A second is a long time.

All the real work in our practice takes place within a second.

Within a moment, we have the opportunity to be patient. To not get caught up in our own feelings or anxiety. To maintain our composure.

We have the opportunity available to us to respond, rather than react. To make a choice, rather than be propelled. To listen and understand, rather than retort.

A second lasts a long time, and it is within those brief moments that we get to decide who we are and who we want to be in the world.

Of course we are going to fail. Fail a lot. That is why it is called a practice. We have to keep practicing. What other choice do we have?

Unless.

Unless someone like you

cares a whole awful lot,

nothing is going to get better.

It's not.  

Dr. Seuss | THE LORAX

You show up because you care, but caring is not enough.  What you are fighting for isn't going to happen right now.  What you are protecting is going to continue to be attacked and broken apart.  What you stand for isn't going to be accepted. 

That thing you are doing, it's not going to work this time. 

Or the next.

And probably not the next time either.

But caring means you keep showing up.  You continue to stand your ground.  You continue to fall, then get back up.  You continue to fail, and fail, and fail.  Birth and death playing themselves out for eons. 

Unless someone like you cares a whole lot and relentlessly shows up, nothing is going to get better.  It's not. 

Only so much room.

We all have our commitments that we have to honor and respect. 

We have jobs, families, friends.  We have to keep appointments and stay on top of our responsibilities.  We have bills and errands, workouts and walks in the park, babysitter's schedules and client timelines.  Of course we have email, Facebook, news and books.  And our practice (doesn't that come first;).    

We only have so much room in our day.  Only so much time we can actually give.

A part of my practice of compassion is the intention to be open and available at all times.  To be present, to give someone that space when they need it.

I fail all the time.  I'm failing now.

And that's the choice that we make over and over again.  Do we actually be present, open and available; or do we play out our own agenda, our own thoughts, our own story and interests.

We only have so much room, but we also decide where its walls are and who we let in. 

How do we knock down the walls?

Space to fail.

My teacher, Younge Khachab Rinpoche, has been extremely generous with me. 

He trusts me a lot, and I work hard because of that trust. 

He told me back in 2006 to start a local Sangha in Seattle.  I wasn't ready.  Sure I knew the teachings, I knew the meditation techniques, I knew the uniqueness of the lineage and the impact these teachings have.  I knew the mechanics, but I wasn't ready to lead.  I was just settling into my own practice, how was I to lead and help others? 

In 2007 we had a small, intimate group of Dharma practitioners.  A close-knit Sangha that was committed to practice.  Rinpoche told me to start a public meditation group.  I wasn't ready.  I was more comfortable leading a group.  I was more comfortable setting a course and leading discussions, answering questions.  But I wasn't ready to put myself out there.

In 2008 we started a public meditation group at Embrace the Moon.  Kim Ivy was generous to open up her community, to provide us a space to do work that we were passionate about.  That was a tremendous learning curve for me, to have to teach a wide variety of students with a diverse range of meditation experience.  That experience is invaluable.  That experience deepened my practice because I still had a lot of work to do. 

Rinpoche, more than any other person I know, gave me the space to fail.  He pushed me, tore down my boundaries.  He never let me get comfortable.  He always exposed me, made me vulnerable.

Trusting someone enough to give them the space to fail, what more of a guide could we hope for?  

How do we be that person for those that come after us?

How to work with anger.

How do we take anger as a guide?  How can we use it skillfully?  When we see ourselves getting angry, we might be able to catch some insight into the path ahead.  

You are in this situation, this conflict, this struggle and you can either figure it out or get swept away in it.  You can resolve it or escalate it.  You can pacify the problem or you can blow it up.  You can minimize the damage or you can involve everyone who could possibly be involved.  Cool it or heat it up.   

So you are faced with a choice.  When you are angry, do you apply the principles of your practice or do you escalate the problem? 

Part of this is failing.  You will get angry.  You will lose your temper.  You will snap back.  Don't beat yourself up.  But do look closely, when anger showed is ugly face, was there a moment when you tried to work with it?  Were you able to dance with it, just for a bit? 

Fail. And fail.  And fail some more.  It is worth the effort to keep practicing. 

#DoNoHarm

Why am I so angry?

Is it the person in front of me or the situation?
Is it because of what they are doing or because I don't know how to respond?
Is it too intense?  Am I too tired? 
Is it because I don't know the right answer?
Is it because what I have tried isn't working?

Why am I so angry and what am I to do with this anger?

If you can sit with the intensity of that question and continue to work with it,
the only thing left to do is create.

Try another method.
Push another limit.
Fail another attempt.
Reach a different conclusion.
Dance to a different rhythm.

When the situation is intense, you could simply be angry- internally or externally.
Or you could dance harder. 

This might not work.

I thought it was going to, I really did. 
I thought this was finally the answer I have been looking for.
I thought it was going to be the next big thing.
I wanted it to work out.
I wanted it to be important, to make a difference.
This was going to change everything.
All the facts lined up, the data was there.  It was rationale, coherent.
It just made sense.

Was it the idea that was flawed? Our expectations? Our effort?
When we failed, was the game really over or was it just getting started?

Fear usually has a pretty good story to tell.  So does doubt.

Stick to the practice.

This One's For You

Normally you are told what to do for your homework.

Now we are asking you to do YOUR homework.
     Self-directed.
     Self-reliant.
     Motivated.
     Independent.
     On your own time.

And don't worry about failing.
Fail.  Fail often.
Then we will make sure you pass the class.