Give yourself the gift of your practice.

"What am I going to get out of this?"

My Qiqong teacher Kim Ivy was posed this question recently. The beginner wants to have a glimpse of the promised result. They want to know that what they are doing is going to be of benefit. Most likely, they want to get rid of the fear of being a beginner and feeling awkward about what they are doing. Most of us feel enough insecurity and uncertainty as it is, why put ourselves in situations that expose our insecurities?

You might practice yoga, qiqong, meditation or any other form of the internal arts. Each of these benefits our body and mind, improves our health and prolongs our longevity. Each of these encourages a sense of well being, and that might be all that you need to get out of them.

My experience has been that our bodies and mind as largely a mystery to us. You notice this most when you are sick or endure an injury, the question of "How do I get better?" becomes paramount. Even in otherwise healthy states we still experience weird sensations in our bodies, our minds run scripts we can't seem to shake, and we feel a sense of dissatisfaction and unease. Sit still for a moment in meditation and you might notice just how uncomfortable you are in your own body- shifting your leg, scratching an itch, straightening your neck.

We often feel at odds against ourselves.

The curious thing about practices like yoga, qiqong and meditation is that they train you to look at your experience. They teach you, slowly, to not react to what is coming up in your experience. They expose imbalances and resistance, teaching you how to correct and find balance. Interestingly enough, you learn not to fight your body and mind, but how to work with your body and mind.

Over time, we learn to be friends with ourselves. We learn to be comfortable in our own skin. Being more accepting of ourselves, we can be more present and available for others. Instead of protecting ourselves and hiding our insecurities, we learn to stand with dignity in openness and vulnerability. Like a child learning to walk and falling often, we can learn to walk through the world with this type of posture. Of course we too will fall, and that is why we always come back to our practice.

Learning to check in with yourself, to look into the great mystery of our body and mind, and to gain some understanding of the complexity of this human life- this is one of the greatest gifts that we can give ourselves.

It is also one of the greatest gifts that we can share with the world.

Get comfortable with not knowing what you are going to get out of this. Give yourself the gift of showing up and simply devoting yourself to the practice of self-discovery.

You might be surprised at what you find.

FOMO.

Fear of missing out.

You might have heard this acronym being passed around lately. Fear of missing out can take many forms. It can relate to connections, recognition, accomplishments or any other form of worth and belonging. There is a very special form of FOMO that our culture tends to breed:

The fear of not doing something important or creating something meaningful. 

We are told to live our best life, to contribute something meaningful to the world. We all aspire to live a life of purpose and for our work to have an impact. However, most of us feel that what we are doing isn't good enough. We should be doing something more, we should be doing something better. We should be making more of an impact, changing the world in more meaningful ways.

This fear of missing out is based on a projected sense of self. A better version of you, Greg 2.0. The ideal you that lives a life of great meaning and purpose.

This fear really points to a deep conviction of unworthiness and a lack of perceived value or meaning. We are looking for confirmation or validation from others about our worth. Fundamentally, if we cannot recognize our own value and worth then no matter how much praise or acknowledgement others give us, it doesn't penetrate to our heart.

The fear of missing out confirms this sense of shame and inauthenticity. I have to do this thing in order to prove that I am worth it, that I belong and that I am important.

Follow the fear. The fear is in you, it is not out there in the world. It is in your own heart and in your own mind.

Learn to sit with that fear. Learn to extend your kindness and patience to it. As you learn to sit with fear, it will reveal its hidden layers- your self-contempt, insecurity and shame.

Learn to sit with these too. Extend your love and kindness to all of your shadows.

Your shadow follows you. But you are not your shadow.

As we continue to move through various layers of self-awareness, we eventually end up in completely open, transparent awareness- a state of equanimity and complete self-acceptance. When we discover this deep sense of self-acceptance, we simultaneously recognize our value and our worth. Appreciating our own value, we can recognize the value and worth of others. We no longer harbor any fear of missing out, because we are not incomplete. We are fulfilled, just as we are.

The underlying drive.

Do you ever notice those people who always seem to be in control?

They are always seemingly poised and ready.  They exude confidence and strength.  They step into situations with presence and they always seem to take command and give direction. 

They are experts in controlling outer circumstances, like an air traffic controller, everything happening on time and in order. 

Except beneath that outer facade of control and poise is fear.

Fear of losing control.
Fear of feeling insecure.
Fear of being vulnerable. 

Fear is the motivating factor.  Fear is what compels them to get better at taking control.  Fear begets poise and confidence once the threat seems far off and distant, yet fear always lays in wait.

It is strange how far we have run, isn't it?

 

Amogasiddhi.

OM AH HUNG AMOGASIDDHI AH

Amogasiddhi is one of the Five Family Buddhas.  

His pure land is Karmaprasiddhi, representing the accomplishment of perfect activity.  His color is green, representing the activity of subjugating and overcoming resistance, obstacles and problems.   His element is wind, representing movement and change, along with the continual energetic process occurring in the outer world and in our own body and mind.  His right hand is in the mudra of fearlessness, representing an authentic refuge that protects from the fears of cyclic existence.  His left hand rests in his lap in meditative equipoise holding a crossed vajra, representing an immovable foundation and support.  The crossed vajra also represents the vajra seat, the immovable posture in which the Buddha gained enlightenment.  The vajra seat, or vajrasana, in the outer world is Bodhgaya, but it also represents the unshakeable ground in which all beings awaken to buddhahood. 

Amogasiddhi is the Buddha that represents completely purified jealousy.  Jealousy or envy manifests as paranoia, an internal dialogue that plays itself out again and again with fear of failure or not being chosen at its very root.  In order to combat this internal struggle, we often assume very negative postures- we become power hungry, manipulating and controlling people around us to uphold and maintain our status.  We dominate the conversation so no one else has an opportunity to outshine us.  Amogasiddhi represents the transformation of that jealousy and insecurity into all-accomplishing wisdom, the wisdom of spontaneous fulfillment. 

Amogasiddhi rides a garuda possessed with all the major and minor marks.  A garuda is a great eagle-like bird, a mythological horned golden eagle.  The garuda is a powerful guardian, offering servitude and often shown biting down on nagas.  Nagas are serpent-like human deities that live in bodies of water.  They are said to be the holders of great treasures and secret teachings, but if upset cause disease and create unpredictable weather patterns.  The garuda also has an unusual birth, for as soon as it hatches from its shell it is able to soar in the sky.  The shell represents the limitations of our own five skandhas and upon breaking free from their confines, great spontaneous awareness is able to soar in the sky of awakened mind. 

In regard to our own mind and self, Amogasiddhi represents the skandha of mental formations, ideas, concepts and opinions along with the habitual patterns associated with these.  Throughout the day we enter into numerous mental states, high and low.  We are continuously trying to 'make sense' of our world and justify who we are and our place in the world.  This process of thought and intention creates action and karma.  As we cycle through this process of cause and effect, we are constantly fighting to guard ourselves from loss and vulnerability.  We fight day and night to control our fate in hopes of accomplishing our aims and finding happiness and prosperity. 

When we deeply contemplate and integrate the wisdom and symbolism of Amogasiddhi, we can learn to transmute this insecurity and paranoia into the wisdom of spontaneous fulfillment.  We take our vajra seat amidst the unceasing windstorm of thoughts and mental states with the firm resolve not to waver from this immovable ground which is the way of abiding.  Breaking out from the confines of the shell of ignorance and mistaken views, great spontaneous awareness takes its second birth and flies unobstructedly, riding the winds of change.  This awareness is practical and effective, efficient, timely and in sync with the world around it.  It does not manipulate or control, demand or distort.  No longer needing to justify your own position or qualifications, you discover a natural ease and fulfillment, a profound sense of inner wealth and satisfaction.  Having fulfilled your own aims, you are able to work for the aims of others, sheltering them from fear and vulnerability. 

Others see you in a dynamic dance, awed by your fearlessness.  Yet you never waver from your unshakeable ground, the unchanging vajra seat that supports the whole universe.  In this way you abide in Karmaprasiddhi, the accomplishment of perfect activity.