Siddhearta's Essence of 2020.

I am not going to lie, 2020 was a challenging year. In Buddhist practice we often find this sentiment:

Transform obstacles into the path of awakening. 

Well, 2020 decided to just throw everything at us at once. How do we stay present, generous, receptive and kind amidst a global pandemic, natural disasters, rampant job loss, economic fallout, social unrest, homeschooling, and oh, an election year? Chances are you don't. And that's okay, that's why we call it a practice. You practice being present, practice being kind, practice being generous, practice being receptive. You practice and you fail, a lot. 

This year was particularly challenging for me. I lost my father-in-law and two close friends to non-COVID related deaths. One of my regular practices is to engage in the traditional Buddhist 49 days of practice after someone dies, as a way to show up for them as they transition through the death process into their next life. It allows for a natural way to grieve, while also honoring the connection that you have and still have after someone has passed from this life. At one point in August after I had been doing the practice daily since mid-May, I began to wonder if I would ever stop doing the practice. My father-in-law and two close friends died in successive months, and this was accompanied by the many other people I knew through work or through acquaintances that died due to COVID-19. My 49 day practice ended up coming to a close at the end of August, and yet how many have we lost since then...

2020 forced all of us to reconsider how we show up in the world. We were forced to reshape our lives, change the way we work, learn, interact. Things that we used to do are no longer options, and things we never imagined doing have become normal (wearing a mask at work all day). In one way, we have all come to appreciate what matters most in our lives, and we have all slowed down a bit to take advantage of those things. 

Despite all of the challenges of this year, there were still opportunities that came to light. Our Sangha has transformed into a thriving online community, though we no doubt look forward to the chance to reconnect again for retreats in person. We also started the Dharma Conversations Podcast this year and have published over a dozen episodes so far. I also finished up editing a book for my teacher, Younge Khachab Rinpoche, expected to be released this spring. Stay tuned for more details. 

As I look back at this past year, I realize how fortunate me and my family have been and I am grateful that I have such a supportive network of family and friends. It is hard to imagine having to navigate the uncertainty of this year without those connections. Much was lost this year and it is easier to appreciate just how precious and fragile this life really is. I am also tired and weary and would like a break, and I am sure you would too. Hang in there, find some time for yourself, recognize your own needs amidst all of the chaos. Give yourself the needed break of putting aside all the media, the worrisome thoughts and stories. Don't punish yourself with unnecessary expectations. It is enough to be present amidst uncertainty,  without a clear handle of how things are going to work out or when this is all going to be over. 

Here are some of my better posts from this year:

For your practice: 

Spacious Awareness
A metaphor for timeless awareness.
The Royal Seat of Akanishtha.
The journey to the center of it all. 
Carry on.
Exploring mind and its nature. 
Two pespectives on mind. 
Fulfillment, found. 

Pandemic contemplations:

In search of the normal day.
Last chance to share thanks. 
Not doing is hard work. 

Conscious Leadership and institutional racism

"I am not a leader."
I am a contribution. 
#BlackLivesMatter. *Conditional terms apply
Conscious citizens of the world
Model of conscious leadership
Five elements of conscious leadership

What have you consciously sacrificed along the way?

The path of a householder upholding a practice tradition is precarious. We are immersed in the world, while also immersed in our practice. We are working, raising a family, building relationships, taking care of our parents, while we are also committed to resolving our own hesitation, resistance and struggle.

Along this precarious path, we will need to rely on teachers and companions, insight and patience, as we slowly make our way. As we deepen our practice, we will need to make conscious sacrifices, or else risk things in our life being unnecessarily sacrificed.

One of the common struggles of a householder is carrying the practice into the workplace. There is a common error to perceive the work environment as not suitable for practice, that you must seek out a better job, or a more suitable career that supports your practice. You may switch jobs, switch industries, switch titles. I can assure you all this effort is hopeless. You will not find the perfect career or company for your practice. Undoubtedly, your practice would most benefit from you overcoming your own resistance and fear so that you could be more present, generous and kind at your current job. Right livelihood is to be found by contributing in meaningful ways, not by finding the perfect workplace.

What you might have to sacrifice or give up is the idea that your title is a marker of your work. You might have to give up acting like everyone else, or engaging in the culture of power and status. You might have to consciously decide to not play that game, but you don't have to. You just need to identify what it is that you are sacrificing along your journey. What are you consciously or unconsciously sacrificing?

Another challenge is often how to carry the practice while raising a family or taking care of elderly parents. You could choose to dedicate every evening to an hour of meditation and forego some family time, or you could miss an hour of sleep and meditate in the morning before everyone gets up. Or you could sleep in and enjoy a nice evening with your family, and not meditate at all.

The key point is that something is always going to be sacrificed. We can either choose to make conscious sacrifices based on our values and commitments, or we can make unconscious sacrifices and risk missing out on opportunities and fleeting moments that are often important.

Shared values.

It is difficult and challenging to navigate our world today. Our country is divided, our communities are plagued by inequality and addiction, and even in our own families we may find it difficult to find common ground.

Where do we start to rebuild trust and respect?

We all share core values, values like honesty, integrity, generosity and compassion. As a culture, we value hard work, persistence, and dedication to a cause. Our religious traditions ask us to love our neighbor, help those less fortunate and be of service to others.

These are all points of contact that we share. While we may disagree on many issues, we can agree that values in our life and in our world are important. Start the conversation around shared values, and then listen to each other. Conversations may reveal how much we have in common, and maybe even break down the great divide that seems to keep us apart.

Imagine if we could even take this small step within our own family. If we could each unite the great divide within our family, maybe our communities could start to shift and change as well.

Talk to family and friends. What values do you share and why are they important to you?

Working with darkness.

What if your ordinary life were to become extraordinary?

What if it were possible to live your everyday life, just as it is, such that it displays great purpose and meaning. It is possible? Could you do it?

The great practitioners of the past found that the key was to work with light and darkness. Light- in the form of our values, aspirations and ideals. Darkness- in the form of our pain, sorrow, challenges and obstacles.

The essence of a good practitioner and a doorway to discovering purpose and meaning is to get the shadows right. This is why it is so important to spend time and attention studying and contemplating dukkha and the human condition. Dukkha is extremely important because it gives our life perspective, without which our life would be ill defined and lifeless. Dukkha is the way in which life takes its form. To contemplate dukkha is to fully understand who we are, our place in the world, and to recognize the troubles that we all face as we learn to make our way forward.

Life cannot be understood in its details without understanding dukkha.

We often look to the light to find purpose and meaning. We look to the heavens as if hope is the way. Yet time and again, it is those who have wrestled with their own being who give rise to true freedom of expression. We must look into our own flesh, our own open sores and wounds to find what is true.

As our awareness of our own condition deepens, we naturally begin to empathize with others. As we are able to develop more equanimity towards our own condition, we start to recognize the equality of all beings in this world.

Perhaps the proof is that we can mimic the practice of others and yet still remain unchanged. Their practice doesn't reflect our lived experience. The infinite varieties of which life can take shape do not allow for a one-size-fits-all solution. You must look within. The key lies in you.

Praise the light. Rejoice in its presence and proclaim its virtue. But tend to the darkness, sit with it, acknowledge it. As you learn to be more accommodating with the pain and discontentment of your own condition, you will be able to carry that openness and ease into the world and bring benefit to others.

Working with the light reveals the possibility before you. Working with darkness enables you to step into and occupy that space. When you can do that, the ordinary becomes extraordinary.

Goals for the immovable state.

There are two primary goals for the immovable state:
1. Learn how to work with appearances in all their variety.
2. Increase the power of mindfulness and vigilance.

We start the practice by settling into and abiding in the natural state, the nature of mind to which we have been introduced. We simply want to maintain this state continuously, in an uncontrived and effortless manner.

In the beginning, as we sit for a few moments or minutes, stuff starts to come up in our experience. We encounter a variety of sights, sounds and sensations. Our mind wanders to various thoughts and memories. We might experience certain emotions. We become aware of all kinds of appearances within our field of awareness.

How do we work with these appearances?

We simply rest, which is not easy to do. Our mind quickly grabs onto various appearances, chases after pleasure and pushes away pain. Our vigilant peripheral awareness notices when our mind has wavered, and with the effort of mindfulness, we return to the natural state.

This might seem similar to meditating on the breath. We simply return the distracted mind to our breath, and refocus on our object. Our attention likes to be placed on something. It likes to be exercised. The challenge is when we are resting in an uncontrived open presence, we suddenly become aware of lots of things that our attention wants to grab onto. 

As we learn to work with appearances, it is important to remember that we are not concerned with the contents of our experience. What is appearing isn't important, even if it seems to be. It is more important how we are engaging in the practice, rather than what is happening. We should be aware of the activity occurring in our field of awareness, but not concerned with what is occurring. 

This is a really important distinction. Our goal isn't to stop appearances from arising, our goal is to cut through fixating on those appearances as they arise. This isn't easy, it is counter to everything our minds normally do. Our mind wants to hold onto its experience, savor its pleasure and take another sip.

Which brings us to our second goal of this practice, which is giving rise to powerful mindfulness and vigilance. Initially, our minds are overwhelmed by appearances. Whatever is occurring in our experience is too exciting, too painful, too intense. We get swept up and carried away by all the movement of our mind. By increasing the power of mindfulness and vigilance we don't get so overwhelmed by appearances. This takes time and effort. Eventually, through practice, we start to loosen up our fixation. We start to let appearances be, just as they are. We let them arise. We let them abide, We let them cease. Eventually, appearances don't disturb our meditation. Eventually, we don't waver. 

This is what we mean by the immovable state.

The way to increase the power of mindfulness is to practice. There is no other way that to simply become familiar with the natural state. Start with short sessions. Sit for 10-15 minutes. Then break for a minute, and then meditate again. Go in and out on purpose. Develop agility for resting in the natural state, not only on the cushion but off.

We can increase the power of vigilance by expanding our awareness.  You can see that when you are experiencing dullness, peripheral awareness closes down and has a sinking feeling. Everything is losing energy and shrinking, and you simultaneously lose clarity and alertness. To increase the power of vigilance, imagine expanding your field of awareness. Imagine your awareness is a transparent glass that can see everything inside and out, above and below.  This vast, powerful vigilance awareness simply witnesses the extent of space, both inside and out. Everything is clearly apparent, appearances naturally unfolding in all their variety.

Combining a powerful mindfulness with clear and alert vigilant awareness, we simply rest in the uncontrived natural state. As we continue to learn to work with appearances, we gain more and more stability such that we no longer waver. As stability further increases in this immovable state, we transition to the state of unification. 

Barchay.

བར་ཆད་
Tibetan: bar-chay
English: obstacle, hindrance, cut-off

The resistance is real.

One of our main challenges on the path is barchay. We are constantly facing obstacles, problems, and resistance. Every time our aspiration seems to be culminating, some unseen force seems to be holding us back. 

We tend to label circumstances as the obstacle.  If we only had a chance to grab a coffee we would have performed better.  If we weren't caught up in these current projects we would have been able to help. There are all kinds of reasons things didn't work out like they should have. All of those reasons are the resistance, winning. 

This is the battle that we face. The fight between our aspirations and our reality. We know what we would like to do, but this is what our life actually looks like.  Between that gap is a lot of pain and suffering. That gap is a minefield for negative emotions, stress, anxiety and pain. 

This is the battle, turning Dharma into the path. We have a chance to glimpse the authentic and true, but we fall so easily to negative emotions and confusion. The resistance loves nothing more than prolonging our journey, convincing us to take a break, do it tomorrow.  The path, prolonged. Delayed.  We can turn Dharma into the path tomorrow. 

This resistance, all these obstacles and hindrances, they do not lie outside of us.  Outer conditions only supply the moisture for which the seeds of our own afflictions can ripen.  It is our own latent negative emotions, our own innate confusion and neurosis. We have become habituated to our afflictions, mindlessly succumbing to them for eons.  Now is our chance to break the cycle, and yet we feel weak and weary. 

And so we battle. We fight. There may not be so noble a battle as this war that we wage within.   

Trainers, coaches and mentors.

The personal trainer helps someone who has never done the practice to get started.  Helps them to learn the techniques.  To stay motivated.  The personal trainer says, "Be here at 6pm and give me a hundred pushups."

The coach works with people who are passionate about the practice and want to get better, to overcome weaknesses.  They help them actualize their potential.  The coach says, "Great job on last weeks pushups. Your thighs are underdeveloped so let's work on those this week."   

The mentor works with people when they need them.  They build lifelong personal relationships.  They inspire, connect the dots and build a bigger picture.  The mentor says, "I have enjoyed watching you overcome challenge after challenge this past year.  How were you able to work through pain and failure along the way? What are you going to focus on this year?"

Each of these requires a different level of time and energy.  Each has its own function and purpose.  

 

Do we need more personal trainers?  Definitely, a lot of people don't know how to do the practice or how to get past their own personal obstacles.  

 

Do we need better coaches?  Definitely, a lot of people have their own practice, but either feel stuck or don't see how it all fits together.  

 

Do we need more mentors?  Of course.  We need people who are generous with their time and energy, people who are willing to be present, to listen and to nudge.    

The personal trainer isn't doing their job if they are acting like a mentor.  A mentor who gets wrapped up in the specifics and tries to control outcomes and results isn't a mentor at all.  

Which are you trying to be?  What does your student need?

Endless iterations.

You're probably not going to be doing your practice in five years.  Even less likely in ten or twenty years.  It's just not probable.  

Merit is an uncommon trait here in the West.  We don't really refer to each other as having merit or even cultivating merit.  Its not something that we place much value on, day to day.

Merit is something really important when practicing the Buddha's teachings.  Merit refers to the potential of the mind.  It can be thought of as the impetus, the reservoir, the force.  None of those really do it justice though, because really merit refers to the capacity to hold or bear, the capacity to carry, or even continue.

When you think about a person encountering the Dharma, it is highly unlikely that this person will be able to actually meet with the teachings, practice them, carry them through their life and achieve some kind of result or realization.  It is just not very likely.  We have so much of our own baggage, so many problems and worldly concerns.  And that is all within the context of what is going on right now in our lives.

Over the course of our single lifetime we go through countless iterations.  The chance that we will be able to carry your practice through that much variability and resistance is even less likely.  Our modern society and the demands on the individual are constantly changing.  For someone to have encountered the Dharma and put it into practice in their middle ages, then to go through times of struggle, changing professions, seeing loved ones come and go, making friends, losing friends, moving, falling in love, breaking up, falling sick, being healed.   We cycle through endless iterations.

The amount of merit that we need for our practice to endure amidst all of those changing circumstances, well, it is beyond measure.  It is truly amazing that we can encounter practitioners who are able to carry their practice from year to year, generation to generation.  We should rejoice in their dedication, commitment and resilience.   We should also aspire to develop such merit and determination ourselves. 

Those practitioners of virtue are said to have great merit, but if you talk to them they won't talk about their potential, or about how strong of an impetus they feel to practice.  They won't refer to themselves as being special at all.  Instead, you will see that their minds are like a vast ocean, able to accommodate and accept whatever is placed in their path.  They go through endless iterations just like us, but for them, they are just like waves or boats that come and go.  The iterations they go through in their life don't confine their practice, but rather the 'stuff' that makes their practice continue to be possible. 

Practitioners lacking merit feel trapped by circumstances,
those rich in merit take it as fuel on the path. 

Overwhelm challenges.

Usually we try to meet challenges with aggression.  We get ourselves worked up, we really fight and give it our all.  We meet intense situations with more intensity. 

Aggression is the bold face.  What lies beneath all of that aggression is aversion.  We fear losing, or losing control.  We don't back down because we would then feel vulnerable.  We keep pushing, because at least we can say we kept pushing. 

Our culture loves the aggressive model of meeting challenges.  It is celebrated and often bears the intended fruit.  But aggression is also exhausting and it doesn't always leave us feeling satisfied inside.

Is aggression the only way? 

Imagine instead of pushing back against challenges, we let them in, were patient with them, and then shared generously.
Imagine instead of getting worked up and fighting, we witnessed the situation and then acted with kindness.
Imagine instead of intensifying our activity, we moved with deliberate gentleness. 

The ability to witness, understand and listen is the hallmark of accepting situations as they arise.  The ability to then stand up, speak and act is the hallmark of sharing your gifts.

Overwhelm challenges with love.

Our biggest challenge.

We are all looking for resolution to the problems in our life. 

Disease cured.
Work done.
Problem solved.

But resolution is momentary, impermanent.  Something is always arising. 

Problems keep coming up, more work needs to be done.  Aging, sickness and death continues to play itself out.

Our struggle is with the unresolved state.  It is uncomfortable, unpredictable, worrisome.  Not knowing how to work with it, we seek solutions in order to escape the unease.

Our biggest challenge is learning how to work with the unresolved state.   

Let's change how we orient ourselves to resolution.

Resolution does not equal done.
Resolution is allowing whatever is coming up to be free in its own place.

By changing our orientation we can work with whatever is coming up without being pushed over the edge.  The problem might not be solvable, maybe not even for many ages, but we simply work with our situation as it is. 

Then problems and illness become methods by which we engage in our practice of resolving whatever arises.  Resolving into their own place, we don't experience dissatisfaction from fighting against them.  We can occupy a space of presence, clarity and ease.  We allow for moments of enjoyment and reflection.  Generosity and abundance become possible amidst unfortunate conditions. 

The best part of learning to resolve phenomena in their own place is that we can enjoy the fruit of our practice now, not some day in the distant future when all of our problems are solved. 

This might be your chance.

Suffering.  Pain.  Death.  Fear.  Anxiety.  Problems.

Don't push them away.  Don't run.

Look deeply at what is presenting itself.  Sit with the irritation and pain.  Relax into it.  Don't hold onto it, but don't push it away.  Just look directly at it. 

This might be your chance.  This might be the moment you gain insight into the nature of the problem.  This might be your opportunity to change.  This might be the moment you experience freedom from whatever is manifesting. 

Don't waver. 

This might be your chance. 

The goal.

The goal of life is to be happy. 

What is difficult is making choices that support happiness.

It is hard to act on circumstances that are conducive to happiness.

It is challenging to deal with our thoughts and emotions in a way that leads to happiness.

It is really rare to surround yourself with people that promote your happiness.

It is even more rare to come across teachers who teach you methods that produce happiness.

So much of what we do for the sake of happiness leads us down the rabbit hole of suffering and dissatisfaction. 

The goal of life is to be happy, but the purpose of life is to act on the causes of happiness. 

Support.

What supports your practice?

Your teacher.  Teachings to contemplate.  Your daily activities.  The community around you.

What challenges your practice?

Your teacher.  Teachings to contemplate.  Your daily activities.  The community around you. 

What's missing?

Too intense.

Is this situation too intense, or are your emotions too intense?
Is this problem too difficult, or is your aversion too difficult to deal with?
Is this conflict too volatile, or is your anger out of control?
Is this challenge too hard, or is the story your telling yourself about it too hard?
Is this too scary, or is your fear too real?

What is outer, what is inner?  What is in the environment, what is in your mind?

What can you try to change? 

How do you bring about that change?

Can you do that?

What additional resources and skills do you need?

Go get them.

Hard to fight the urge.

It is hard to be patient when you have a full bladder.
It is difficult to focus and do your best work when you haven't eaten all day.
It is a challenge to be kind when you are stressed out and running short on time.

No one ever plans on getting angry.  It just happens so fast and it is hard to fight off the urge.  It is usual and customary to prepare ourselves by going to the bathroom, making sure we have eaten and giving ourselves the time we need to do things right.  We prepare our bodies and our environment, why don't we prepare our mind?

Practice.  Meditate.  Generate compassion and kindness.  Set your intention.  Focus. 

These will enable you to fight off anger and aversion.  They'll even help with a full bladder and an empty stomach too!

#DoNoHarm

Skip the regalia.

Skip the romance.
Skip the awards and honors.
Skip the pretentiousness.
Skip being right and thinking your done.

Your practice is about showing up,
its about what you do when faced with problems and adversity,
and how you deal with opportunity available to you. 

The grind.

How much of the grind is a concept?

A fabricated obstacle, a perceived barrier, an unreachable endpoint.

How much of the grind is fixation?

On how much this is going to hurt, on how bad you are going to do, on your own position.

We often find ourselves in the grind.  It could be Monday.  It could be a deadline.  It could be your health.

The grind can be a lot of things, but what is it really?

Are you happy?

That thing that you are doing, does it make you happy?  Are you happy?

What is happiness?

Is it the simple pleasures in life?  Those tasty morsels of chocolate following a decadent massage in a spa resort.
Is it being immersed in a challenging activity?  Having to push yourself past your limitations and the joy that comes with discovery and engagement.
Is it your relationships? Your family, friends and loved ones, your role in the community and your workplace.
Is it your purpose?  This quest that you have embarked on that serves the greater good.
Is it your accomplishments?  Your titles and honors.  The impact that you have had on others and the blood, sweat and tears that went into fulfilling those projects.

Happiness is all of those things, and I hope you have it.

It is said to be our inalienable right to pursue happiness.  For a long time I thought that meant to pursue our own happiness, but what if it meant to pursue the happiness of others?

What if our simple pleasure was to delight, surprise and benefit others?
What if our challenging activity was to overcome our selfishness, fear and uncertainty and honestly strive to be generous, loving and kind in order to help others?
What if our relationships- with our family, friends and community- revolved around enriching their lives and promoting their aims?
What if this was your purpose?  Your quest?
What if you accomplished it?

Would you be happy?