Distancing yourself.

You've followed the advice of self-distancing. You have your store of rations for another week or so. You are working from home, homeschooling, calling your friends and family from afar.

Now you are stuck with these thoughts and emotions that consume your attention.

The impulse to check the news is compelling. What are the new numbers? What is the latest advisory? What are those common symptoms again?

These thoughts are all-consuming and when we are full we are left with an unsettled feeling. Know that it is perfectly normal to have these thoughts and emotions, but that we don't need to give them all of our attention. Just like an annoying coworker, we need to continue to work with them day in and day out, but we don't need to give them all of our attention.

I've found my daily practice an undeceiving refuge in these times. Retreat from the headlines. Isolate yourself from the all consuming thoughts and the attendant anxiety.

Just sit. Connect with the natural peacefulness of the present, even amidst all the tumult.

If you cannot simply rest in equanimity, it is helpful to have something to do. I've been practicing the Iron Hook of Compassion every day. Singing the melody and mantra have a way of opening up the heart and throat at a time when it is easy to shut down and close ourselves off. Afterwards, rest in a sense of openness and ease for as long as you can.

Build these moments into your day. As many as you need. Learning to be present when you are alone is a great gift to yourself during times such as these.

Householder Upasaka tradition.

The face of Buddhism is often recognized by serene monks and nuns wearing red or saffron robes, but this isn't the whole story of the path that the Buddha laid out.

During the time of the Buddha's life, he taught both lay householders, or upasaka, as well as monks and nuns. Both were collectively referred to as the arya-sangha, not just the monks and nuns. The term 'upasaka' means 'practitioner of virtue', or  'one who contributes'. The upasaka (female upasika) were prominently featured in the many sutras of the Buddha and were among his main disciples, including Anathapindika, Visakha, King Pasenadi, King Bimbisara, and Doctor Jivaka.

The upasaka or householder became known the 'white robed sangha', for much like our white collar professionals they were of various classes and were engaged in the world in various ways. The upasaka was a person committed to their practice, they were not just culturally Buddhist or a non-monastic. The Buddha mentioned specific qualities that characterized an upasaka, those being taking refuge in the Three Jewels, observing ethical precepts, frequenting teachings to hear and contemplate the dharma, observing additional vows on sojong days, making offerings to the Three Jewels, and contributing to the dharma.1

There are four types of upasaka based on their observance of vows.

1. Refuge Upasaka- takes refuge in the Three Jewels but does not observe any of the five lay vows.
2. Single Precept Upasaka- in addition to refuge observes one of the lay vows for life (the five lay vows of not killing, not stealing, not lying, avoiding intoxicants, abandoning sexual misconduct)
3. Several Precept Upasaka- in addition to refuge holds several of the lay vows
4. Complete Upasaka- in addition to refuge holds all five of the lay vows

Regardless of your commitment to observing vows of conduct, you are able to progress along the four stages of enlightenment until you take the bodhisattva vow and enter the Mahayana path.

Refuge as a doorway.

Life is full of thresholds that forever change who we are and how we live our life. A doorway is one of the most common symbols of a threshold, for we move from a place in which we are familiar into a place that is unknown to us and beyond our sight. One side of the door is the past and where we have come from, on the other side is the future and what is yet to come. On one side we leave behind the familiar, to discover something else as the mystery unfolds.

Each of us is called to be more deeply present in the world, to participate and contribute to the world around us in some way. That call may come from a random encounter, a problem we are facing, an accident or even a dream. We most notice that call when we are hesitating to step out beyond our comfort zone, second guessing ourselves, or holding back from fear or uncertainty.

That call creates a threshold. It presents a small gap in which we are given an opportunity to be more open, responsive and available. That chance encounter isn't a chance at all, because it is how you are to use your life as the journey of self-discovery.

If we recognize that call, but choose to hold back or give in, then we fall back into our habitual ways and over invest in things outside ourselves, beyond our control.

Answering that call means crossing the threshold and finding ourselves on a sacred journey or pilgrimage to rediscover our own buddha heart. The challenges of the path continually present themselves and we slowly learn to set aside our own fixation and confusion so that we can awaken to our genuine way of being.

This threshold that we are talking about, between presence or giving in to the resistance, is traditionally presented as refuge. Before the doorway of refuge we reified who we are and believed in powers outside of ourselves for our freedom and liberation. Beyond the doorway is a world in which we recognize our innate potential and rely on our own experience and wisdom as the path. On that journey of self-discovery and revelation of our own buddha heart, we will find that we need to rely on teachers who have traveled this path, teachings that we can rely on, and supportive companions who understand the journey that we are on.

Refuge isn't a one-time event. Again and again we are called to cross that threshold, to leave behind our narrow conception of self and strive for awakening. Again and again, we rely on the Dharma to guide us on that journey.

Refuge is the doorway to awakening and marks a significant shift on your journey of self-discovery.

Grasping at straws.

Where do you turn when you're scared?  When you're tired and you had a bad day?  When you are feeling overwhelmed? 

Do you find yourself scrambling, desperate to find another safe haven?  Do you fall back into old thought patterns and neurosis?  Pour another glass, go to bed?

When things get tough, where do you turn for refuge?

You have to go to refuge.  It's an action, not a belief.  You need to actually go, actually do the practice. 

Most of the time when we feel hopeless or encounter our demons, rather than having certainty in our refuge we turn and run, often looking for another safe haven or someone else to work their magic.  We start grasping at straws, hoping anything will work. 

And the wheel turns. 

Refuge.

སྐྱབས་སུ་མཆི་
Tibetan: Chab-su Chi
English: Go for refuge.

The Tibetan skyabs (Chab) means refuge, protection, help.
Su means in or to.
mChi means to go.

All of us go for refuge in something.  Often it is a power outside of us- a god, an idea, an authority.  In the West, refuge often takes the form of money, power, success and status.  We put our hopes in them and put in a lot of effort thinking that when we get there they will provide for us.  If you look closely at the decisions you make, short term and long term, you will gain some insight into where you are putting your refuge.

A Buddhist is someone who puts there refuge in the Three Jewels- the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.  The Buddha is the teacher, the Dharma the teaching, and the Sangha is the supporting community.  Khachab Rinpoche emphasizes that of the Three Jewels, the most important is the Dharma, the teaching.

Dharma is our entryway.  When we practice the Dharma, we gain our own experience.  As we deepen our experience we gain confidence in the teaching and in our practice.  Confidence and understanding in our practice give way to realization and actual benefit.  As we witness this benefit and realization in ourselves, we begin to trust and respect the teacher and the community that supports the teaching.

Our practice of the Dharma leads to us taking refuge.  Refuge is based on experience, not blind faith.  You can believe that the Dharma will benefit you, but until you have truly practiced your place of refuge can easily shift and change.  One day you are a eager practitioner of the Buddha's teachings, the next you are following a fad diet and a new business scheme. Where is your refuge?

Refuge is actually extremely profound to contemplate on a day to day basis.
If you have a bad day at work, where is your refuge?  Is it your practice?  Or is it a glass of wine, a movie or the weekend?
If you get in an argument with your partner, where is your refuge?  Is it your practice?  Or is it a food binge, a cigarette or a pedal to the metal car ride?
If you encounter sickness, fear and doubt, where is your refuge?  Is it your practice? Or is someone going to come save you, bail you out, take away your problems?

Most of our bad habits are due to a mistaken refuge based on neurosis and negative emotions.  

Taking refuge in the Three Jewels and in your practice seems extremely heavy.  It is a lot of responsibility, but would you want anything else?

Do you want something else?

The tool shed.

What's the sense in having a tool shed these days?

We live in a time when you can easily find someone with the necessary skills to fix your problem for you.  It doesn't really matter what the problem is, there is a product or service out there for you.  With all of these resources available to you at the tip of your fingers, what is the sense in having a tool shed?

Well, you might be a problem solver.  A self-reliant tinkerer.  You might be a mad scientist looking to do something that has never been done before, not like this.

You might be someone who isn't just looking for the right answer, you want to know how to solve the question.  Your not simply looking for the quick fix, figuring out the root of the dilemma is more important than the fix itself.

If you are this kind of practitioner, your view liberates you.  Your view is liberating because problems become malleable and you can sit with conflict and strife.  You are willing to explore the unknown and fearless in the face of resistance.   You know you already have the tools necessary to solve the problem, it is just a matter of working it out.  And you can do that.

Contrast this with the person who has no tools and every problem is an emergency.  Panic sets in at the slightest discomfort and the resolution to problems is always reliant on finding someone else for the fix.  We could call this other-reliant.

Be a source of refuge for yourself.

If you want to gain the freedom and confidence of being able to solve your own problems, you need to have a tool shed.  Meditation is that tool shed.  It is your mind lab.

You might learn to be a problem solver.  You also might discover something worth sharing.