Living with pain, not in pain.

Chronic pain is a very common and often debilitating condition that affects young and old alike. Western medicine struggles with pain management, we encourage modalities like physical therapy, massage, accupuncture, exercise, but often end up turning to opioids and other medications to manage chronic pain. Meditation has made its way into the treatment of pain, but even that has mixed results. 

Meditation seems to be touted as a cure-all these days, recommended for everything from treating hypertension, to mental illness, chronic pain, and improving overall well-being. There is a lot of good data supporting the practice of meditation for these purposes, but I think it is important to recognize that meditation is not a cure-all, but rather manages to make everything workable. 

This is a rather minor but significant shift. Meditation won't solve all your problems, but it will help make all your problems workable. Problems of all kinds are solved when we see them as workable. When we know that we can experiment, play around with things, try something new in a maybe slightly different way, we can solve problems. Maybe the problem goes away, maybe it just becomes less of a threat. 

Most of the power that problems have, and this is especially true of chronic pain, is that they seem inescapable. The pain doesn't go away, and it doesn't seem likely that it is going to go away tomorrow. This persistent experience in our lives is exhausting and drains a lot of our attention and energy. When we fight our pain, it always wins, because it gains power when we resist it. Try to escape its presence by using drugs and alcohol, and we just find it again on the other side of our stupor. Escape seems hopeless, we seem powerless, and it is very easy for depression to set it. 

The solution that meditation provides is to find some space with the pain. In meditation, we find that we can experience pain, but not be overwhelmed by the pain. The pain is there, dancing, doing its thing, but it is also a little distant from 'us'. We find that we don't need to identify with the pain, that we can live with the pain, rather than in pain. Pain in this sense becomes like a companion with us on the journey of life. Sure, it is often a nagging companion that we don't really want to hang out with, but alas, here we are. If they are going to join you on this journey, you might as well figure out how this relationship is going to work. 

If you are feeling stuck with a chronic problem like pain, start by trying to find a space where you can be present amidst the pain. Set out to discover a sense of peace and calm, a solid ground to stand (or sit), amidst the experience of pain. This ground is the basis of exploring and understanding your relationship with pain. When you start to realize that you can experience pain but not be dominated by its presence, then you have made the problem workable. Gradually, your presence overpowers the presence of pain. Sit with that, your presence overwhelms the presence of pain, rather than the other way around (the old way of our relationship with pain).

Then, like the Buddha said, our pain becomes like a teaspoon for salt in a large body of water, rather than a small cup. The salts still there, but not as distasteful.  

My last thought on the use of meditation for working with pain. Often, we are asked by the doctor how much pain we are in, 0-10. If the pain is held as a constant level of experience, what if we change our relationship to that pain. How can we move from a 7 to a 5? Or even a two? That's what meditation can do, I'm confident of that. 

What tastes better?

Imagine in front of you a shot glass and a pitcher, both filled with water. Maybe even do this experiment yourself.

Take one teaspoonful of salt and add it to the shot glass. What happens?

The water is cloudy and a lot of salt settles on the bottom and stays there.

Take one teaspoonful of salt and add it to the pitcher of water. What happens?

The water remains pretty clear, with a little cloudiness at the bottom and a little bit of salt remains on the bottom.

In which container will the salt completely dissolve more quickly? Obviously the pitcher.

Here is the real kicker, which water tastes better?

The shot glass of water tastes terrible. Gross. The pitcher of water tastes like regular water.

What's the point of this little exercise?

Our mind is the container through which we experience the world. When we are narrow-minded, or small-minded, our minds are very easily overwhelmed. That very same suffering, problem, or challenge, when met with an open mind is very easily dealt with and resolved.

What is a small mind? A mind that is rigid, fixated, agitated, tired, hungry, unfocused, restless.

What is a open mind? A mind that is understanding, tolerant, patient, resilient, kind, receptive, present, aware.

And here is the good news, we can train our minds to be more open. We can make it a daily practice to develop and embody this type of mind. We can also learn to recognize when we are being small minded, and we can learn to take those moments of recognition as reminders to practice.

What is the point of training your mind? You will enjoy your life more, and the suffering that you experience will not overwhelm you. Of course you will still experience pain and problems, but they won't taste nearly as bad.

Where does it hurt?

Contemplating the body, observing the body, it can be useful to ask yourself, where does it hurt? Where is there tightness or discomfort?

Observe that pain. Witness the tension.

Don't turn away from the experience. Open up to it. Breath into it.

Looking deeply into our experience free from reactivity, we engender presence and openness. This presence and openness is vulnerable, but it also carries authority. There is something true about our experience, a knowledge of our own condition and predicament.

The practice of looking deeply into our own human condition cultivates a rich inner life. It gives rise to an inner wealth and understanding that we can share with the world, carry out into the world. The practice opens us up to what it means to be human, and an appreciation for the very fact of being at all. 

Working with darkness.

What if your ordinary life were to become extraordinary?

What if it were possible to live your everyday life, just as it is, such that it displays great purpose and meaning. It is possible? Could you do it?

The great practitioners of the past found that the key was to work with light and darkness. Light- in the form of our values, aspirations and ideals. Darkness- in the form of our pain, sorrow, challenges and obstacles.

The essence of a good practitioner and a doorway to discovering purpose and meaning is to get the shadows right. This is why it is so important to spend time and attention studying and contemplating dukkha and the human condition. Dukkha is extremely important because it gives our life perspective, without which our life would be ill defined and lifeless. Dukkha is the way in which life takes its form. To contemplate dukkha is to fully understand who we are, our place in the world, and to recognize the troubles that we all face as we learn to make our way forward.

Life cannot be understood in its details without understanding dukkha.

We often look to the light to find purpose and meaning. We look to the heavens as if hope is the way. Yet time and again, it is those who have wrestled with their own being who give rise to true freedom of expression. We must look into our own flesh, our own open sores and wounds to find what is true.

As our awareness of our own condition deepens, we naturally begin to empathize with others. As we are able to develop more equanimity towards our own condition, we start to recognize the equality of all beings in this world.

Perhaps the proof is that we can mimic the practice of others and yet still remain unchanged. Their practice doesn't reflect our lived experience. The infinite varieties of which life can take shape do not allow for a one-size-fits-all solution. You must look within. The key lies in you.

Praise the light. Rejoice in its presence and proclaim its virtue. But tend to the darkness, sit with it, acknowledge it. As you learn to be more accommodating with the pain and discontentment of your own condition, you will be able to carry that openness and ease into the world and bring benefit to others.

Working with the light reveals the possibility before you. Working with darkness enables you to step into and occupy that space. When you can do that, the ordinary becomes extraordinary.

Getting closer.

In meditation we get closer to the pain, closer to dukkha, closer to reality, closer to the situation as it really is. We learn how to sit in that space, not doing anything. We learn how to gain the composure necessary to be there, to be present, to witness and stay engaged, but not to react.

Normally, amidst pain and chaos and confusion, we tend to shut down. We tend to close ourselves us, put up our guard, insulate ourselves. Protection is a normal response to fear and uncertainty.

In our practice, we don't need to deliberately choose pain or subject ourselves to tortuous situations, but we can choose to stand amidst the pain. We can choose to be present instead of reacting and shutting down.

A genuine practice authentically aligns us with the world and others around us. It's okay to be close to the pain. Our pain is real.

Dukkha is more than suffering.

Life is suffering. The truth of suffering.

You've heard these statements of the Buddha about the nature of this life. Over the past one hundred years, much of the Buddha's teachings have made their way into Western thought and culture. Knowing that all of the Buddha's teachings revolve around the four noble truths, we should be sure to come to a correct understanding about what he meant when he laid out his foundational teachings.

In his first sermon, the Buddha taught:

Now this, bhikkhus, is the noble truth of dukkha: birth is dukkha, aging is dukkha, illness is dukkha, death is dukkha; union with what is displeasing is dukkha; separation from what is pleasing is dukkha; not to get what one wants is dukkha; in brief, the five aggregates subject to clinging are dukkha.

 It is easy to see how the early translators of the dharma may have chosen suffering or pain as a substitute for the Sanskrit term dukkha. It makes sense, birth is painful, aging is suffering, not getting what you want is painful. Those translations offer insight into what the Buddha was trying to convey.

But words are limited in their meaning.

The Buddha first states that birth, aging, illness and death are all dukkha. Every stage of human life is dukkha. The human condition is subject to pain and suffering, discomfort and unease.

The Buddha then says that uniting with what is displeasing is dukkha. It is unsatisfying, frustrating, miserable.

Next we find that separation from what is pleasing is dukkha. It is grief, sadness, distress.

The Buddha goes on to say that not getting what one wants is dukkha. It is despair, disappointing, upsetting.

Finally, the Buddha states that the five aggregates, or all conditioned phenomena, are dukkha. There is a basic unsatisfactoriness that pervades all forms of the human condition, which is subject to change, impermanent and without any lasting substance. That which changes, is impermanent and without lasting substance is incapable of satisfying us.

Later in his first discourse, the Buddha taught that dukkha was to be fully understood. What are we to understand? Is it enough to understand that life is suffering?

We need to understand the human condition in its entirety. The central tenet of the Buddha's teachings is that we need to understand our own pain and suffering, but also the myriad ways in which we fall into states of loss and sadness, dissatisfaction and despair. We need to fully understand how all things change, how the very nature of this life and this world is that it is impermanent and without any lasting substance.

Dukkha includes understanding suffering, but it is much more than suffering. It is understanding the human condition, and all that it entails.

Finally, we should take a look at what is meant by 'understand'. Is it to be known, acknowledged or perceived?

It is not enough to know the words or even the meaning. To fully understand dukkha we have to be aware of dukkha, acknowledge it, feel it and sit with it. We need to see it and listen to it. We need to fight the urge to wallow in it, push it away or pretend it isn't there. Then we might understand the truth of dukkha.

Acknowledging our pain.

The first sermon that the Buddha gave upon his awakening was the teaching on the Four Noble Truths- the truth of suffering, its origin, cessation, and the path to eliminate suffering.

The path to awakening starts with acknowledging our pain and dissatisfaction.

Truth seems elusive these days. Everyone has their own version of the truth and there seems to be little accountability for upholding that which is true. What is truth and why is it significant?

Truth is that which is authentic and non-deceptive. To be a seeker of truth means that one pursues that which is authentic and to remember what it is that is important in life.

The truth of suffering wakes us up to what is important. The truth of suffering is a call to attention, a wake up call. By acknowledging the truth of suffering, we can discover a truth that we can live with and recall that which is meaningful. The outer drama of our suffering can awaken us from the sleep of ignorance, discovering our purpose and recalling what it is that is important and meaningful in our life.

Our symptoms, looking back, can reveal what it is that we have to do.

By denying or rejecting the truth of our own suffering, we close ourselves off to insight into our own condition. Rather than fixing our situation, we require and strive for everything else to be fixed. We fall prey to the preoccupations of our small self, trapped in a world of self-indulgence and a repetitive cycle of lies about who we are or who we pretend to be.

The opposite of living your inner truths isn't living falsely, it is living a lie. We deceive ourselves.

To awaken from the path of self-deception, first we must acknowledge the truth of our own suffering.

Born free.

When you enter a new situation, a new job, a new city, a new life, what are your primary concerns?

We are concerned about our parents and teachers, the neighborhood and school district, the crime and homelessness. We care about the class we are in or the team we are on. Reputation, notoriety and association are all a big deal.

These are deep seated concerns. We care about where we are born. We have an innate predisposition to seek out positive rebirths, positive circumstances.

The purification of rebirth isn't to be reborn in the wealthiest neighborhood with the best schools and the best odds of getting into the best colleges with the best sports teams. No. The purification of birth is to able to enter any situation, any circumstance, any life and to be unstained by its faults.

When we are able to take any form and not be bound, then we are truly free. Taking the conditions that you find yourself in, using them as the basis of the path, and transforming them through wisdom to bring benefit to others, that is freedom.

The rest is just bondage in gold chains. 

What does a thing weigh?

That thing you're carrying, how much does it weigh?

Does it slow you down? Tire you out?

Does it give you blisters? Have a pointy edge?

Do special tools help you bear its load?

Our situation often seems heavy, but what does it really weigh? Why is it that sometimes trying to prepare Tuesday night dinner can be just enough to put us over the edge? Why is it that one email, one comment, one argument, one more to-do, can be too much to bear? 

We bump into these things all the time. Little things, insignificant ninnyhammers, that put us over the edge. 

Weight is relative. It depends on relations and circumstances, attitude and approach.  Next time you're feeling the grind, take a look at how you are carrying the load.  

Willing to go.

There are dark places out there. 
Places you don't want to see,
you don't even want to hear about them. 
You don't want to experience that pain,
that suffering and defeat. 
There are stories you don't want to relive,
memories that you don't want to remember.

There are a lot of places that we wouldn't choose to go. 

Compassion makes us willing to go.

She is willing to go there with you. 
Willing to listen, to hear your story. 
She will let you cry,
let you scream in pain,
let you suffer guilt and regret. 
She will be present and hold that space.

"I'll be here with you." 
Those are powerful words,
when you are surrounded by the fires of hell
with no hope on the horizon. 

Innate wisdom.

We all have innate wisdom.

It is the wisdom that knows something is not right.  That something is out of place or unjust. We feel it, see it directly.  It might give rise to clear thoughts or intentions, it may not. 

Innate wisdom knows that pain is not our natural condition.  It knows that these feelings, this anger and aversion, is not our natural state.

We are not the storm.  This tumult is not who we are.  This disease is not intrinsic to us.

Amidst confusion, there is innate wisdom illuminating the darkness.

We need to trust this.

If we trust the pain, the confusion, and the anguish, then we will be crushed.

If we trust our innate wisdom, then pain, confusion and anguish become workable. 

If we trust violence and hatred they will tear our life, family and communities apart.

If we trust our innate wisdom, then our communities can heal.

We have an opportunity available to us, we see it, we know it directly.  We need to trust what are hearts are already telling us it true.

This is not who we are.  This is not our natural condition.

Wisdom opens a path to healing.  

The truth of suffering.

We see suffering as many things in our life. 

We see it as heartbreak and loss.  We experience it as pain and regret.  We feel it as we age, our bodies failing us in ways we never thought they would.

Suffering takes many forms in our life, appearing as many different faces and in all places.  It goes by many names, but there is one that we seldom acknowledge.

Truth.

There is a truth to our suffering, something that we can learn from it if we are willing.  To learn the truth of suffering we must be honest with ourselves and our situation. 

Our ego is wrapped up in our own suffering and the stories that we tell about ourselves.  We perpetuate our suffering because it is part of our identity, its part of who we are.  Acknowledging our suffering requires that we set aside the story of ego, the story of how important we are or how great our life is.  It requires that we look truly at all the pain and ugliness, that we see our true face free from the mask of deceit. 

Which is painful. 

The truth of our suffering is all around us, it pervades our life.  We fail to acknowledge its truth because it makes us feel weak and vulnerable.  The ego hates to feel weak and vulnerable.  In response to this our ego throws up walls and barriers, acts out in passion and aggression to try to gain control of the world around it.  We build ourselves up in an attempt to overthrow our own suffering, all the while sowing seeds for a never ending harvest.

The first step that we take on the path is one of truth.  Honesty to ourselves.  We are suffering.  I am suffering.  When we take this step, we are treading the path of the noble ones who have went before us. 

Acknowledging our own suffering, we can start to see the suffering of those all around us.  We see their suffering reflected in our own life, we see how our story is shared with theirs.  The truth of suffering grants us the gift of gratefulness. 

Suffering that gives rise to gratefulness is a gift, a gift that we can learn to share.   

This might be your chance.

Suffering.  Pain.  Death.  Fear.  Anxiety.  Problems.

Don't push them away.  Don't run.

Look deeply at what is presenting itself.  Sit with the irritation and pain.  Relax into it.  Don't hold onto it, but don't push it away.  Just look directly at it. 

This might be your chance.  This might be the moment you gain insight into the nature of the problem.  This might be your opportunity to change.  This might be the moment you experience freedom from whatever is manifesting. 

Don't waver. 

This might be your chance. 

The best thing about past karma.

Most of the time we look at our karma as a burden.  We are conditioned by all of our past decisions, actions and experiences, and perhaps we look back and wish how things could be different.

The best thing about our karma is that it has brought us to where we are today.

All of that hardship, pain and misfortune has brought us here, now.
All of those problems, lessons and bad decisions have allowed us to stand here, awake, at this moment.
If we had done things differently, we wouldn't be who we are right now.  Maybe we would still be asleep.

Maybe we needed to learn something through all of that pain and hardship.
Maybe we needed to work through something.
Maybe what we have to share is hidden in that struggle.
Maybe the wisdom needed to truly benefit others had to be experienced directly. 

So today, everyday, is a grand juncture.  We are the total sum of our past decisions and actions, and what we do with that now determines what and who we will be in the future.

The choice is up to you.

Exposed.

We spend a lot of time and effort to make ourselves comfortable, secure, safe.  That notion of comfort and safety really pulls on our hearts and minds, maybe because we think we can do what we really want to do once we have it secured.

But there is something to be said for being exposed.

Raw. Naked. Vulnerable. Exposed to the elements. To pain and adversity.  There is something about being exposed that makes us feel alive.

I don't know if other people get the feeling that they want to be exposed to the raw elements. 

I know I do.

Do you?

 

Absence of denial.

Some turn off the news,
lock their door.
Some look down at their phone,
pretend like they didn't hear.
Some busy themselves with important things,
"I'd like to but I don't have time."
Some shift the blame,
believe a conspiracy or claim no control.
Some are paralyzed by fear,
others by indifference.

A few, the rare ones, have the courage to witness, to listen, to hold the space.

The courage to be vulnerable, to be open to pain and suffering.  To stand for a moment with uncertainty and fear.  To sit with discord and irritation.  To wait, when its easier to run and hide.

Terrible things happen everyday.  There is no end to the pain and struggle.  It takes courage to hold that sadness in your hands, to feel it course through your life, and to keep practicing anyways.

As long as space remains, 

as long as sentient beings remain, 

May I too remain, 

to dispel the misery of the world.

Shantideva

Myth.

There is a certain myth that some people are susceptible to regarding their own practice.  It tends to draw people in, hooks them, ushers them along so they keep going. 

It is the myth that your practice will make you a better person.  The myth that you will be redeemed, made to be of value.  It is the myth of the conceivable but not the reality, the fanciful stories we tell ourselves about who we could be as we regale ourselves with stories of immortality.  Many follow that myth for years, working to be better, to fit reality with their vision, to be more happy.  Really they are working to cover up the self-judgement and contempt that pervades our life.

The myth lives on in a self-centered practice.  You are the practice, and the fruition you seek is a more complete you.  But you can't win, because from the very beginning you have created a chasm that cannot be crossed and every misstep confirms your failure.   

The practice you need is the one that makes you human.  The one that enables you to walk with pain, to sit with uncertainty and to dance with fear.  Practice so that you might be more kind to others, that you might extend your hand because you are able.

Let the fairy tale fall apart.  Let the masquerade come to an end.  The myth may have brought you here, but you don't need to keep believing it.

A true practice opens your heart and your mind, and you can experience that to be true.    

When do we let go?

We have all been hurt in the past.  We have been wronged, disrespected, mistreated.  Some of us have experienced small slights, some offenses have been traumatic and left wounds that are still open. 

When do we let that pain go?  Does holding onto it serve us in any way that is beneficial?

Holding onto it continues to fuel the fire.  We relive it.  We talk ourselves through it and try to imagine how it could have changed or been different.  It is our wound, and we are holding onto it. 

When do we let it go? 

Not let it go and pretend it didn't happen.  When do we let go of what we think life would be like without the wound.  When do we let go of the fantasy that the wound will stop impacting our life. 

You have a wound.  We all have our wounds.  They are tender, raw, and vulnerable.  We can sit with that.  We can work with that.  That is work worth doing. 

We spend so much time trying to cover up our wounds, hide them from the world and pretend like they don't exist.  But they do exist, in all of us.  They make us human.  They provide an opportunity for us to look into our own suffering and connect with the suffering of others. 

When we are truly open to having our wounds be exposed, then we realize the impact of harming another living being.  Then we can start to commit to doing no harm.

#DoNoHarm

Transforming poison.

It is easy to focus on all the poison in our lives and the world around us.  To see all of the anger and injustice in the world.  To witness unfairness and outright manipulation by those in power.  It is easy to get caught up in the busyness of our days, the pointlessness of what we are doing.  At times we all feel helpless and lost, that we have no control over all of the problems in our life.

The practitioner doesn't get caught up in the highs and lows of their day.  The don't get caught up in what is right or wrong, what to accept and what to reject.  Everything is applied to their practice.  Everything is an opportunity to practice.

Anger is poison, use it to practice patience.
Attachment is poison, use it to practice impermanence.
Fear is poison, use it to look deeper and examine your fixation.
Anxiety is poison, use it as a catalyst to train your mind.
Resistance is poison, use it to persevere.
Jealousy is poison, use it to rejoice in the happiness and success of others.
Looking outside yourself is poison, recognize and look within and to your own practice.
Death is the ultimate poison, use it to express gratitude and a profound appreciation of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 

We get to do this.

We get to transform suffering into the path of realization.
We get to transform our problems and obstacles into growth and accomplishment.
We get to dig deeper and experience everything as the path of liberation.

Knowledge isn't enough.  It is not enough to simply know this.
Practice is important.  The lived experience is what counts.

Soothing.

Our natural state is one of peace, joy and contentment.  It is a state of natural rest and clarity.

What prevents us from abiding in our natural state?

Afflictions.

Afflictions can come in the form of physical discomfort and illness, emotional turmoil and mental neurosis.  They arise in a mind preoccupied with the past and future.  A mind that is chasing and grasping is fertile ground for the afflictions.  Our innate selfishness is a deep root from which the afflictions continually grow.

In an effort to regain our natural state, we attempt to soothe the afflictions.  How?

Money. Entertainment. Alcohol. Food. Power. Vacation. All sorts of remedies really.

But do any of these really work or are they themselves driven by neurosis and selfishness?

Your practice should soothe the afflictions.  It should cut through discursive thought, weaken grasping and fixation, and reduce selfishness even if only by a sliver. 

We teach children to soothe themselves at a very young age, but we seem to have lost this skill with age.  Time to regain the practice.