Honesty.

Many of us try to be honest with others, to be a credible and reliable friend, partner and professional. Equally important though is to be honest with ourselves.

Being honest with ourselves requires openness and vulnerability. It sits us down with tenderness and awkwardness, makes us look at the everyday ordinariness of our condition. And embrace it.

We often chase after the highest, best, most profound, most amazing things, but what might be most useful is to come to terms with who we are and our natural state of being free from all the hopes and projections.

Simply being open to the present moment of our natural condition opens the doorway to the path of liberation. Being honest with ourselves is a prerequisite for being awake.

"You can be anything you want to be."

I call bullshit.

This idea that you can be anything or do anything descends from our social theory of individualism and the American Dream. Basically, if you work hard enough or want it bad enough, you can have or be anything. Many parts of this social theory hold to be true in our experience. If you work hard, you can accomplish many of your hopes and dreams. And of course, life may get in the way and you may not.

The fundamental belief of this theory is that where you are is not where you ought to be, or where you want to be or need to be. At this moment in time, you recognize the value and worth of your future self and your future contributions, without seeing the value and worth of your present self and contributions. This idea is further conflated with ideas of gaining wealth, power and prestige. When we can "become the person we want to be," we will have the most to give and live our most meaningful life.

Of course, this day rarely comes.

Our idea of who we are going to be is just a projection. Undoubtedly, it creates a picture of where we want to go, and this picture shapes our actions and choices. We move closer to the projection, but the projection itself always shifts and changes. The result is that we are exhausted and after all this work, we feel unfulfilled.

The alternative is to wake up in the world in which you are currently living. You choose to embody the person that you are, in the world as it is. When we can embody this genuine presence, we discover that right now we have the resourcefulness and initiative necessary to meaningfully contribute to the world around us. We begin to engage and participate with the problems and tension of our present day.

Through our presence and contribution, we discover that we continually shape and create the world, that the world around us is not "some thing" that we simply experience as a bystander, but that it is continually unfolding and undergoing creation and destruction.

Our world doesn't need more people who are going to be the best versions of themselves in ten or twenty years. We need you now. We need you to be the beacon of light in the space in which you are living.

The work that we need is not the outer work of doing, but the inner work of being.

I hope.

I hope to be there when my daughter grows old.

I hope to see her fall in love, to be there when her heart is broken and then made whole again.

I hope to see her succeed, to build things, to make her impact on the world.

I hope to be there when things are falling apart, when times are tough and chances seem slim.

I hope to see her being a goof ball. To see her laugh and try new things.

I hope to see her figuring things out, diving into problems and charting a new course.

I hope to see her sitting by the water, nothing more to do.

I hope to see her listen deeply, to witness her acts of kindness and her generosity with others.

We never know the hour or circumstances of our death. This life is like a child's shoelace, quick to come undone.

I hope I am blessed with the privilege of growing old, to be able to be present in the lives of my loved ones.

We can never be sure of what the future holds for us. We can only practice being present now and enjoying this brief moment that we have together. 

The scariest place.

The scariest place is our present state.

Strip away the impulse to reinvent yourself.  Strip away your efforts to improve your lot or accomplish something first.  Strip away your chances of being healed, or cured, or made better.  Strip away whatever it is that you are hoping for or would like to happen.

Right now, as you are, what is revealing itself.

Apply your practice.

Reveal the Buddha within.  

Sitting with uncertainty.

Uncertainty, doubt, hesitation.  

How often are we plagued by these maladies?  How often to they influence our path or lead us astray?  

How often do we find ourselves waiting?  Waiting for the right time, the right conditions.  Waiting to get picked or promoted, or told what to do.    

Uncertainty hides in the shadows of our intention.  When we encounter it, we often step out of our posture, or move for the small reprieve it gives us.  We may try to stay busy, reach for distraction, or entertain the discomfort away just so we can feel normal again.  

In uncertain times we yearn for control.  We wonder about our future, the future of our family and loved ones, the future of our community and world.  We spend sleepless nights caught up in the cycle of hope and fear, playing out dramas of gain and loss, praise and shame.  

But uncertainty really prevents us from moving forward.  Our intention may be strong, but we lack the focus to carry it through.  Our intention may be clear, but we don't feel we have the power to carry it out. 

Sitting with uncertainty may be the most powerful thing you can do. 

Face the resistance.
Don't avert your eyes.
Don't turn from it.
Don't waver.
Just sit. 

Donning the armor of patience,
With the sharp sword of mindfulness,
and all the grit you can muster,
breakthrough to openness, clarity and insight.
Then step forward with generosity, kindness and love.  

The world is deceitful.

Not the world actually, just our perception of it.

We think things are going to work out.
We believe things are going to go our way.
We hope that our lot will continue to grow.
We trust that things will get better. 

All the while we neglect the truth of suffering.  Dissatisfaction runs deep, it is all-pervasive.  We know that things are impermanent.  We know that all conditioned things are going to let us down.  We know that we never get anywhere when we are caught up in praise or blame, gain or loss. 

We know things things to be true, yet we continue to hope things are somehow going to work out in the end. 

Contemplate the truth of suffering.  Really, honestly think about it.  The only way out is to eliminate our own ignorance, bias and confusion.  No one is going to do this for us.  It is we who deceive ourselves.

That doesn't mean give up.  Not at all.  It means that we shouldn't be surprised when we encounter the truth of suffering.  It means that this fight is not over, it will never be over.  

It will never be over.  And we vow to continue to take rebirth here until all beings are liberated from the cycle of suffering. 

That is the promise.  That is what we are doing here. 

I am not surprised.  Now it is time to get back to work. 

What informs our intentions?

What informs our intentions and aspirations?

Hope for gain, fear of loss.
Concern for praise or blame.
Striving for happiness or avoiding pain and dissatisfaction.
To be famous, or insignificant.

Those are the eight worldly concerns, which invariably inform many of our decisions and actions.  The Buddha taught that our karma is based on our choices and the actions that it produces.  We all want to be happy, to have stability and accomplish our aims, but what informs our intentions keeps us bound in the cycle of suffering and dissatisfaction.

We want to choose actions that produce happiness, but our choices are informed by the causes of suffering.

We are informed by hope and fear for the eight worldly concerns.  Our choices are conditioned by attachment and aversion, ignorance, jealousy and pride.  Biased perception clouds our vision.   

With that information, it is a miracle that we ever make a good decision.

But we do. 

One of the best choices we can make is to practice, because all that that poor information is easily removed through practice.  Clarify your practice, let your practice clarify you. 


 

Object permanence.

Object permanence is a big development for an infant. 

Prior to the development of object permanence when things leave their field of perception they cease to exist.  Hide a toy, who cares- still happy and content.  Mother leaves the room, no worry here. 

Around six months of age children start to understand that things do exist when they leave the room.  Mom is gone, and that is a problem.  Why did you take away my toy, I was happily enjoying chewing on that.

This is a key development because it allows the child to develop an understanding of causality and learn to problem solve.  Object permanence allows for a rational, logical interpretation of reality.

What no one talks about is that object permanence also brings with it a host of emotional baggage. 

Hope and fear, attachment and aversion, gain and loss are all dependent on our expectation that things we want will stick around and things we don't want will go away.  The problems is that things that we want don't stay for long, and situations that bother us tend to stick around longer than we like. 

Our rational mind has little power over these strong emotions.

Object permanence is a big development for an infant, but many adults still struggle with the implications that it brings to their life.

When was the last time you were really well prepared with your plan, had it all worked out in your head, and then it fell apart.  How did you react?  How fixated were you on that object?

What is it that you are really hoping for?  What happens if none of it works out?

Are you going to be able to talk your way through it?  Do you really know how to work with your emotions when the going gets tough?  Or is anger and disappointment going to spill over into your day and your relationships?

Object permanence. 

What's the alternative?

Where do you stand?

If you maintain a position, by default you have created insiders and outsiders.  You have people for you and people against you.  You defend your allies and disparage your enemies. 

In order to maintain that position you need to exert a lot of effort.  You need to continually engage in a battle between hope and fear.  Maintaining your position becomes a part of your identity, who you are, you become your position and your position becomes you. 

And yet none of this is real. 

It is only real as long as we continue to invest in the stance and the ground we hold onto.  As we loosen our fixation to our own position, the duality between allies and enemies starts to dissolve.  You see your allies position and can understand it, but you also see you enemies position and can understand it.  You may see that neither stance is right, and for you it doesn't need to be.

Seeing all positions and not fixating on your own, there is a chance that you might do real work.  There is a chance that you might be of some benefit to others and find your own work meaningful.   

Doubt.

Doubt is a mischievous little thing.  It sneaks up on you unknowingly.  It lurks in the shadows of your mind, waiting for an opportunity to spring up and occupy your mind.

In a way, doubt protects us.  It prevents us from being taken advantage of, from being fooled, again.  It is an intellectual and emotional survival mechanism.  I won't let myself be hurt.  I won't over commit. 

I still hold the reins.

But doubt also holds us back.  What are we holding onto?  We are holding onto our hearts and minds.  We cannot tolerate being that vulnerable, open.  If we really put ourselves out there, we are so susceptible to being hurt, being let down.

So we hold on.

We hold on and we don't let go.  We look for the slightest misstep.  We pounce on every incorrect utterance.  "Aha!  I was right all along."

You should not blindly trust people and be susceptible to their every whim and preoccupation.  But with your own experience as your guide, with reason and logic as your weight, and with confidence as the full measure, it may be time to be willing to be open and vulnerable.  It may be time to trust.  It may also be time to doubt whatever you used to be holding onto. 

Doubt the need to always protect yourself.  Open your heart and mind to others, and you might be surprised what comes back to you in return.

Letting go.

Your practice should include the art of letting go.

Letting go of the fear.
The pain.
The anger. Frustration.
Letting go of your hope.
Expectations.
Judgement.
Ego.
Letting go of resentment.
Mistakes.
Bias.
Ideals.

Let everything go.  What is left when you have nothing left to hold onto?

Now, continue with the practice.  

Gods and Demons.

Attachment and aversion.
Hope and fear.
Gain and loss.
Fame and blame.
Happiness and suffering.
Good and bad.

Which side do you feed?

We all have our gods and demons, both serve as hindrances on the path of liberation and prevent us from accomplishing our own aims and the aims of others.

We get attached to the gods, reinforce them.  Maintain them and they become the status quo.  Our path has stalled due to our own fixation.

We hide from our demons.  We run whenever they show their face.  Our hiding and fear entrap us and prevent us from going deeper, from moving on.  Our path has stalled due to our own fixation.

Cut through fixation and you liberate gods and demons simultaneously.  Shall we?