In search of the normal day.

It is interesting to see how much comfort we find in controlling the world around us. We find comfort and safety in our habitual routines, the repetitiveness of the normal day. We may complain about being busy, or the weariness of our everyday ordinary life, but we would take that normal day just about any day.

We know what to expect on a normal day. We are familiar with our everyday pains and problems. We know what things we have to get done and what time constraints we need to balance. Sure, some of the day to day is annoying, but it is predictable.

In times of uncertainty, we still need to carry the ordinary pains of our life, but we are faced with the demanding task of needing to make new decisions without clarity. Every single day, the variables change and the choices we made yesterday need to be reexamined and thought through. The effort this process takes is emotionally and cognitively taxing. Layer on top of that anxiety and the existential threat of getting sick and dying, and you have a recipe for overwhelm.

Our bodies and minds are used to dealing with overwhelm. We are bombarded by information on a daily basis, too much information to process. So we put up a filter to limit what we notice, the rest is just noise that can be ignored and placed in the background. In order to cope with overwhelm, we yearn to exercise control over our lives and our environment. We set up boundaries, make up new routines or habits, set up a new cycle that we can repeat. We seek to recreate the normal day, or at least to build a new normal.

Uncertainty, overwhelm, seeking control and trying to find a place of balance and stability are shared experiences of the human condition that we have faced for millennia. Wealth, status, and strong communities can protect us from these experiences, but none of us are immune. The poor and weak suffer these even during supposed 'good times'.

To understand that, to bear witness to this basic fear and drive, is to appreciate the first noble truth- the reality of the human predicament.

Embrace the human predicament.
Let go of reactivity and fixation.
Behold our authentic condition, pure open presence.
Practice the path, free from the extremes of indulgence or severe austerities. 

As you become more willing and able to navigate times of uncertainty, you will also be more patient and understanding of the fear and uncertainty of others.

Be a light for them along the way,
a pole on which they can lean.
Be a center of gravity to revolve around,
as they orbit an unfamiliar world.

Pure perception.

དག་སྣང་
Tibetan: dak-nang
English: pure perception

Pure perception is the awakened principle that everything is regarded as the path. All circumstances arise as opportunities for practice. The dharma isn't just something we hear or read, it is our lived experience.

Ordinary perception is our habitual subject-object interpretation of the world. I have control over certain things in my life and other things happen that are simply out of my control. I struggle to reconcile my inner experience with the world at large, and purpose and meaning are driven by ambitions of conquest and control over the outer world. Ordinary perception is characterized by continual struggle and the ever urgent desire to gain a sense of security over our 'place' in the world.

With pure perception, everything is connected as a single mandala. Problems and obstacles are opportunities to practice. Challenging people present as teachers showing you the way to enact the practice.

Fundamentally, the principle of pure perception is gaining control over your experience. The world doesn't happen to you and you are not a victim. You get to choose how to respond. You get to choose whether you apply the teachings into practice, or whether you fall into habitual modes of being.

You get to choose. Awake, or asleep.

How are you going to follow through on your decision?

Crossing the chasm.

Vipasyana is the practice of looking at the mind and the nature of the self. Once we have cultivated a mind that is calm and clear, we use it to look at the nature of mind and the nature of reality. Since birth we have taken this self to be truly existing. Our bodies change over time, our ideas and beliefs might fluctuate and change, but there is a conscious aspect of the mind that seems to continue throughout our whole life, that seems to be permanent and true.

This minds existence is never really challenged, we simply know it experientially to be true.

There is a great chasm that we need to cross in our practice of vipasyana. We need to cross over the threshold of believing and apprehending of the self as being permanent, real, unchanging and true. On the other side of that chasm is the conception of a self that is impermanent, interconnected, constantly changing and flexible. Those two seem irreconcilable.

Our conception of the self as being real and unchanging leads to us feeling stuck and powerless in situations. We often find ourselves searching for external relief and trying to manipulate external conditions. We languish in our efforts to prop up the self by controlling outer circumstances. Reifying the self, we simultaneously invest great importance in our material conditions and our experience of the world around us. We believe deep down that if we can just get everything right, that our sense of self and our place in the world will all be secured.

When a gap opens up in our meditation, look at that gap. 

Look at our habitual perception and our ingrained conception of the self. Is it true? Who are we? What is the nature of this self that we hold so dear?

If we look at the self through the lens of the first turning of the wheel of Dharma, we can start to appreciate how the self truly abides. We can start to see that the self is composed of many facets- our body, emotions, perceptions, thoughts and beliefs, and of course our consciousness- all those are connected. We can start to appreciate how our consciousness itself is composed of many facets. We have emotions and experience them in our mind, but we are not our emotions. We have thoughts and ideas, but we are not our thoughts and ideas. We experience various sense appearances like sights, sounds and smells, but none of those are who we are.

Simply looking at the mind through this lens of the Dharma, we start to see our false notions and beliefs in who we think we are. We start to see our limiting conceptions and how our emotional imbalance limits our capacity to act as we intend. Simply looking at the present condition of our mind and self, we can see all of the factors that brought us to the here and now.

Simply see. Witness this appearance of the self free from judgement or bias. This is the essence of self-awareness.

Having this insight into the self, we start to see more truly. We still conceive of a self, but that is interconnected with a larger whole. The outer world still exists, but we can see that it is constantly changing and dynamic. We can appreciate this newfound perspective of mindful awareness, but it also carries with it a deep and profound sense of responsibility. We see how much we contribute to our own suffering and the suffering of others. We see how we perpetuate negative mental states and unwanted emotions. We also see the potential for freedom and a path forward.

We see all of that. We see ourselves standing on both sides of the chasm, not quite embodying either.

We don't just cross the chasm in a single leap. We cross it, and then we fall back into habitual patterns of conception. We leap over it, only to realize we landed back where we started. We stand on the other side, enjoy the view, only to be pulled back once again.

The path of seeing is the start of a long path ahead. It doesn't happen all at once, and yet it does time and time again.

Crossing the chasm might just require that you turn awareness back on itself.

Seeds, imprints and predispositions.

We all know how difficult it is to start habits. We would like to work out more, meditate, spend more time with our family or friends, learn to paint.  We want to eat healthier, be more productive, be more generous.

Starting is hard. Continuing is harder.

Even harder is eliminating the imprints of bad habits.

The Buddha taught that we need to purify our karma, afflictive emotions, cognitive obscurations and habitual tendencies if we are to be completely awake.  Karma is our actions, we need to practice virtue and try not to harm others.  Afflictive emotions are things like attachment, aversion, ignorance, jealousy and arrogance. Cognitive obscurations are the way we perceive self and other, our understanding of reality. Habitual tendencies refer to the impressions, seeds, or predispositions of our past thoughts, actions and experience. Habitual tendencies are mostly unconscious. Most people rarely even think about them much less try to change them. 

Think about your perception of food. Why do you perceive some foods as wholesome and good, whereas others you perceive as disgusting? My dog has no problem eating an old hot dog off the street. The concept of 'this might make me sick' is not one that my dog has (or my child!).

Think about your perception of your body. In Nepal it is common to see men holding hands, it is a sign of friendship and affection. In the U.S. people might think you were invading their personal space or question their sexual orientation. One might incorrectly wonder, why are all these monks gay!

Why do you perceive yourself as strong, or weak, beautiful or ugly? Why do you seek out affirmation, or hide in the shadows? What is it that makes you outgoing, or shy?

These are not easy questions to answer, and often there is no answer. But the question is important.

Once you start to ask the question, you can start the hard work of relinquishing your grasping and fixation to concepts about the way things are or should be. Letting go of concepts is how we break free from the tight hold that habitual tendencies have over our minds and hearts. Then, as those seeds ripen, we can recognize them and let them go.

There is a chance that in our experience, we might catch ourselves asking 'why?', or simply notice how strange our reaction is. Recognize it and let it go.

Unpaid debt.

In the past, others have benefited us greatly and we have only brought them harm. In our search for control, status and well being, we have indiscriminately left others behind, turned our backs on them or exploited them for our gain.

We owe them a great deal, yet the debt has not been paid.

We owe karmic debts to the living and deceased.  To those whom we have accidently harmed, broken their trust, stolen from, beaten or killed.  That debt weighs us on, we can feel its burden and often feel trapped by its presence.  That debt continues to define our present experience, influencing the choices we make, the habit patterns we play out and the neurotic behavior that we pretend isn't there.

We will continue to feel our karmic debts pulling on us in unhealthy ways as long as they are not settled. The process of resolving our debts starts with forgiveness, generosity and learning to rest in openness.

Forgiveness is an act of acknowledgement and a claiming of responsibility.
Generosity is a willingness to be present and to benefit others, to repay their kindness.
Openness is the practice of acknowledging and letting go of whatever it is that we are holding onto, in all of the nooks and crannies of our mind.

Our debts will never be completely resolved, but we can do our best to repay them. That opportunity is always available to us. 

Standoff on the streets (or dancing on the sidewalks).

Twice in as many weeks I have heard people comment on the standoff that occurs on sidewalks everywhere across the country.  Imagine it: you are walking on the sidewalk and someone is walking towards you, and you are both in the middle. 

Do you move out of their way, or do they move out of yours?

There is a common conception that people feel like they are always the ones to move.  The comments that I have heard is that people experience this as a display of power.  That not moving is a sign,
I am more powerful than you.

This standoff is perceived as a power play, and if you move then you are losing.  But is that true?  Are people on the sidewalks really power walking?

Indefinitely there are a few people out there who treat this confrontation on the sidewalk as a display of power, best of luck to them.  My bet though is that most of the people aren't power walking, they are sleep walking.

Yep.  Sleep walking.

They are caught up in their story lines.  They are habitually driven between point A and point B.  They are not aware of the world around them and they have no concern for the people around them.  They are checking their phones, their senses closed off behind headphones and just trying to make it in their microcosm. 

What about you though?

You're a mover.  You are alert and aware.  You notice the people around you, adapt to a change in their stride.  You're present. 

By moving you lose nothing.  You're not giving anything up.  This sidewalk, it's not yours.  You are being polite, respectful.  You are making a choice and standing up (or moving aside) for what you want to see in the world. 

You can walk with confidence and compassion, which feels like dancing on the sidewalks.  

No one will even notice, but you are being the change you wish to see in the world. 

So next time you are out walking and are conscious enough to be aware of the people around you, make a decision: Do you move or stand your line?

Ask yourself why?  What are you trying to assert?  What are you trying to defend?

Who is making this about a power play?  What if you are establishing a power play against someone who is sleep walking?

Maybe you are still learning what it means to be awake and this person, they are your teacher.

So hard to get started.

ལེ་ལོ་
Tibetan: lelo (actually pronounced lay-lo)
English: indolence, faintheartedness, procrastination

The Tibetan term lelo is a subsidiary negative emotional state that undermines one's enthusiasm for virtuous or productive activities.  Maitreya Buddha taught that this is the first flaw that we bump up against in our daily practice.  It is a flaw because it ensures that we do not start, that we don't apply ourselves.   It is a flaw because it ensures that we remain feeling stuck. 

We may want to do something important, want to accomplish an activity, but when we try to do so we run up against the inertia that is our own indolence.

There are three types of indolence:

Lethargy.

This is the fatigue and laziness that we all experience.  It is heavy, sluggish.  I could get started or I could rest for a second.  I could do a little bit today, or I could wait until tomorrow when I feel better.

Obsession with pointless activity.  

We all know these... 

Discouragement.

This is feeling inadequate or unable to start.  A lack of self-confidence that results in waiting or hiding.

It is easy to pass the blame to something else, something outside of ourselves.  But as a practitioner, or someone aspiring to be a practitioner, we need to look at our situation and our life.  We need to be honest with ourselves, our choices and our activities.

Are we really committed to making this happen?

To overcome these three types of indolence, Maitreya Buddha taught four types of remedies:

Belief. Intention. Perseverance. Pliancy. 

Belief is knowing there is something greater than this.  It is not blind faith, but rather our deepest aspirations and knowing there is a truth in them.   

Our intention seeks to purposefully accomplish our activity.  Clarify it.  Be specific. 

Perseverance pushes us to continue to show up.  Put in the time.  Do the work.  Make the effort.   

The result is pliancy.  We become adaptable, flexible, dexterous.  We become open to change, ready to change.  We become confident with the continuum of change which is life.

No longer too tired to go, too busy to go or too scared to go, we simply go.  We start, and figure out what else we need as we go. 

Are you going, or waiting?  What else do you need to start?