What have you consciously sacrificed along the way?

The path of a householder upholding a practice tradition is precarious. We are immersed in the world, while also immersed in our practice. We are working, raising a family, building relationships, taking care of our parents, while we are also committed to resolving our own hesitation, resistance and struggle.

Along this precarious path, we will need to rely on teachers and companions, insight and patience, as we slowly make our way. As we deepen our practice, we will need to make conscious sacrifices, or else risk things in our life being unnecessarily sacrificed.

One of the common struggles of a householder is carrying the practice into the workplace. There is a common error to perceive the work environment as not suitable for practice, that you must seek out a better job, or a more suitable career that supports your practice. You may switch jobs, switch industries, switch titles. I can assure you all this effort is hopeless. You will not find the perfect career or company for your practice. Undoubtedly, your practice would most benefit from you overcoming your own resistance and fear so that you could be more present, generous and kind at your current job. Right livelihood is to be found by contributing in meaningful ways, not by finding the perfect workplace.

What you might have to sacrifice or give up is the idea that your title is a marker of your work. You might have to give up acting like everyone else, or engaging in the culture of power and status. You might have to consciously decide to not play that game, but you don't have to. You just need to identify what it is that you are sacrificing along your journey. What are you consciously or unconsciously sacrificing?

Another challenge is often how to carry the practice while raising a family or taking care of elderly parents. You could choose to dedicate every evening to an hour of meditation and forego some family time, or you could miss an hour of sleep and meditate in the morning before everyone gets up. Or you could sleep in and enjoy a nice evening with your family, and not meditate at all.

The key point is that something is always going to be sacrificed. We can either choose to make conscious sacrifices based on our values and commitments, or we can make unconscious sacrifices and risk missing out on opportunities and fleeting moments that are often important.

Shared values.

It is difficult and challenging to navigate our world today. Our country is divided, our communities are plagued by inequality and addiction, and even in our own families we may find it difficult to find common ground.

Where do we start to rebuild trust and respect?

We all share core values, values like honesty, integrity, generosity and compassion. As a culture, we value hard work, persistence, and dedication to a cause. Our religious traditions ask us to love our neighbor, help those less fortunate and be of service to others.

These are all points of contact that we share. While we may disagree on many issues, we can agree that values in our life and in our world are important. Start the conversation around shared values, and then listen to each other. Conversations may reveal how much we have in common, and maybe even break down the great divide that seems to keep us apart.

Imagine if we could even take this small step within our own family. If we could each unite the great divide within our family, maybe our communities could start to shift and change as well.

Talk to family and friends. What values do you share and why are they important to you?

I hope.

I hope to be there when my daughter grows old.

I hope to see her fall in love, to be there when her heart is broken and then made whole again.

I hope to see her succeed, to build things, to make her impact on the world.

I hope to be there when things are falling apart, when times are tough and chances seem slim.

I hope to see her being a goof ball. To see her laugh and try new things.

I hope to see her figuring things out, diving into problems and charting a new course.

I hope to see her sitting by the water, nothing more to do.

I hope to see her listen deeply, to witness her acts of kindness and her generosity with others.

We never know the hour or circumstances of our death. This life is like a child's shoelace, quick to come undone.

I hope I am blessed with the privilege of growing old, to be able to be present in the lives of my loved ones.

We can never be sure of what the future holds for us. We can only practice being present now and enjoying this brief moment that we have together. 

Part of our family.

There are those who care and those who don't.

Don't worry about those who don't care, treat them with respect and kindness and let them go there way.  Respect your own time and energy.

Those who care are like your own family.  They show up, do the work.  They push through resistance because what other choice do we have?  Pour your energy and time into strengthening the network, on impacting their lives and offering your support.  Benefit others, contribute value and the whole community benefits.  

We all want to be part of a family that cares, that takes a chance on being generous and kind.  Such a family experiences true wealth, or ratna, and they are crazy enough to want to share it with others.   

Reflections.

A mirror naturally reflects whatever is put in front of it, such that the two are indistinguishable.

A pristine lake naturally reflects the world around it.

Our cities are natural reflections of the people living there.

Our homes natural reflections of our family and values.

Our world is a natural reflection of our mind and mental states.

Your world is a reflection of your mind.

What does your mind look like?

Where do I start?

Integrating your practice can be hard. 

You try to be generous, patient and kind.
You try to sit with resistance and discomfort.
You try to dance with anger, attachment and ignorance, to not get swept away by their momentum.
You try to look deeply, to make connections and draw out implications.

You try to do those things, but where do you start?

We start with our family and loved ones.  We start with our friends, our sangha and our community.  We start in our workplace and in our home.

Then, as we cut through our own confusion, we stop fighting with our families.
Then, as we cut through our own negative emotions, we stop struggling at work.
Then, as we loosen our attachment  to me and mine, our community expands and is more peaceful.
Then, as we realize how much wealth we really have- a wealth of confidence, joy and a good heart-
then we can truly share our generosity, love and kindness.

And we continue our practice.

Focus on your practice.

I think we all want to live purposeful lives.  We want our lives to have meaning and be of value.  We want to share our gifts with the world and to benefit others, but how do we do that?

For most of us our gifts are not readily apparent, and if they are we often don't know how to share them.  We often don't know how to coordinate our work, relationships, our families.  We may find ourselves making either/or decisions- family or career, push ahead or give up, succeed or fail.

How do we bring all of this onto the path?

Focus on your practice.

When you focus on your practice, your relationships benefit and are included in your practice.
When you focus on your practice, your work benefits and is included in your practice.
When you focus on your practice, your family benefits and is included in your practice.
When you focus on your practice, your problems and stress are included in your practice and become catalysts of your path.

Clarify your practice, and your practice clarifies you.
Experience value in your practice, and you experience your own value.
Discover the meaning of your practice, and discover your own meaning.

So what is your practice?

Do not take this question lightly.  Find it, clarify it, and everything else falls into place.