Usually we try to meet challenges with aggression. We get ourselves worked up, we really fight and give it our all. We meet intense situations with more intensity.
Aggression is the bold face. What lies beneath all of that aggression is aversion. We fear losing, or losing control. We don't back down because we would then feel vulnerable. We keep pushing, because at least we can say we kept pushing.
Our culture loves the aggressive model of meeting challenges. It is celebrated and often bears the intended fruit. But aggression is also exhausting and it doesn't always leave us feeling satisfied inside.
Is aggression the only way?
Imagine instead of pushing back against challenges, we let them in, were patient with them, and then shared generously.
Imagine instead of getting worked up and fighting, we witnessed the situation and then acted with kindness.
Imagine instead of intensifying our activity, we moved with deliberate gentleness.
The ability to witness, understand and listen is the hallmark of accepting situations as they arise. The ability to then stand up, speak and act is the hallmark of sharing your gifts.
Overwhelm challenges with love.
Clarify your practice. Let your practice clarify you.
Showing posts with label aggressive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aggressive. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Thursday, February 26, 2015
What do we do when anger shows up?
Anger shows up at a party and starts causing division and tension. What do we do with anger?
Do we act as a passive bystander? Maybe if we pretend this isn't happening it will go away. At the very least this isn't my fault so I am not going to get involved.
Do we rally the troops, barge in and meet anger with anger? Let's see who wins. Probably no one.
Not passive, not aggressive. What others options do we have?
We can practice fierce compassion, which looks like openness and doing the emotional labor of advocating for what is right.
Being open means being fierce, because it is definitely easier to sit in back and not get involved. Being open also means being willing to listen without bias or judgement, of being able to drop your assumptions and perception in favor of seeing clearly.
Doing emotional labor means doing the hard work of being patient and respectful, acting with kindness and most of all, not shutting down when fear shows up.
None of this is easy, but it is important. This is why we have our practice, because we need to learn how to work with our own anger and aggression. We need to learn how to actually be open and not shut down in the face of fear and uncertainty.
This starts with you, but it affects everyone.
#DoNoHarm
Do we act as a passive bystander? Maybe if we pretend this isn't happening it will go away. At the very least this isn't my fault so I am not going to get involved.
Do we rally the troops, barge in and meet anger with anger? Let's see who wins. Probably no one.
Not passive, not aggressive. What others options do we have?
We can practice fierce compassion, which looks like openness and doing the emotional labor of advocating for what is right.
Being open means being fierce, because it is definitely easier to sit in back and not get involved. Being open also means being willing to listen without bias or judgement, of being able to drop your assumptions and perception in favor of seeing clearly.
Doing emotional labor means doing the hard work of being patient and respectful, acting with kindness and most of all, not shutting down when fear shows up.
None of this is easy, but it is important. This is why we have our practice, because we need to learn how to work with our own anger and aggression. We need to learn how to actually be open and not shut down in the face of fear and uncertainty.
This starts with you, but it affects everyone.
#DoNoHarm
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