The opposite of egotism.

When we move away from rigid notions of who we are and our preoccupation with the self, we start to appreciate our interconnectedness and our lack of a truly existing, independent self. Realizing selflessness eliminates our sense of separateness and loneliness and replaces it with a sense of awe and connection.

Living out the wisdom of selflessness is what we call living a spiritual life. The opposite is to live a focused on me and mine.

There is nothing magical about living a spiritual life. Nothing to believe or imagine. Living a spiritual life means to be more humble and down to earth, more human.

A life of egotism revolves around a fabrication and a fantasy of the self. A life of selflessness requires that we are authentic and true.

.   .   .   .   .  

Still time to register for the upcoming meditation workshop on Exploring the Mind. See you this Sunday at 10am in Capital Hill!

We are always off course.

Ask any sailor worth his salt and he will tell you that the direction that we are going is never the direction that we seek to go. You must always correct and adjust the course to make it to your chosen destination. With the vehicle that you have chosen, there is no direct course from here to there.

In the same way, our practice does not have a true alignment. There isn't one right way. The practice moves through you as you navigate your life. You must correct and make adjustments, that is the practice.

Know the direction that you seek to go. Know that the journey is long and follows many wayward paths. Also know that the quickest route is right into the headwind.

Crossing the chasm.

Vipasyana is the practice of looking at the mind and the nature of the self. Once we have cultivated a mind that is calm and clear, we use it to look at the nature of mind and the nature of reality. Since birth we have taken this self to be truly existing. Our bodies change over time, our ideas and beliefs might fluctuate and change, but there is a conscious aspect of the mind that seems to continue throughout our whole life, that seems to be permanent and true.

This minds existence is never really challenged, we simply know it experientially to be true.

There is a great chasm that we need to cross in our practice of vipasyana. We need to cross over the threshold of believing and apprehending of the self as being permanent, real, unchanging and true. On the other side of that chasm is the conception of a self that is impermanent, interconnected, constantly changing and flexible. Those two seem irreconcilable.

Our conception of the self as being real and unchanging leads to us feeling stuck and powerless in situations. We often find ourselves searching for external relief and trying to manipulate external conditions. We languish in our efforts to prop up the self by controlling outer circumstances. Reifying the self, we simultaneously invest great importance in our material conditions and our experience of the world around us. We believe deep down that if we can just get everything right, that our sense of self and our place in the world will all be secured.

When a gap opens up in our meditation, look at that gap. 

Look at our habitual perception and our ingrained conception of the self. Is it true? Who are we? What is the nature of this self that we hold so dear?

If we look at the self through the lens of the first turning of the wheel of Dharma, we can start to appreciate how the self truly abides. We can start to see that the self is composed of many facets- our body, emotions, perceptions, thoughts and beliefs, and of course our consciousness- all those are connected. We can start to appreciate how our consciousness itself is composed of many facets. We have emotions and experience them in our mind, but we are not our emotions. We have thoughts and ideas, but we are not our thoughts and ideas. We experience various sense appearances like sights, sounds and smells, but none of those are who we are.

Simply looking at the mind through this lens of the Dharma, we start to see our false notions and beliefs in who we think we are. We start to see our limiting conceptions and how our emotional imbalance limits our capacity to act as we intend. Simply looking at the present condition of our mind and self, we can see all of the factors that brought us to the here and now.

Simply see. Witness this appearance of the self free from judgement or bias. This is the essence of self-awareness.

Having this insight into the self, we start to see more truly. We still conceive of a self, but that is interconnected with a larger whole. The outer world still exists, but we can see that it is constantly changing and dynamic. We can appreciate this newfound perspective of mindful awareness, but it also carries with it a deep and profound sense of responsibility. We see how much we contribute to our own suffering and the suffering of others. We see how we perpetuate negative mental states and unwanted emotions. We also see the potential for freedom and a path forward.

We see all of that. We see ourselves standing on both sides of the chasm, not quite embodying either.

We don't just cross the chasm in a single leap. We cross it, and then we fall back into habitual patterns of conception. We leap over it, only to realize we landed back where we started. We stand on the other side, enjoy the view, only to be pulled back once again.

The path of seeing is the start of a long path ahead. It doesn't happen all at once, and yet it does time and time again.

Crossing the chasm might just require that you turn awareness back on itself.

The limits of perception.

Vipasyana is the practice of looking. It is a practice of seeing directly, gaining firsthand experience. But isn't all perception relative? Doesn't the mere act of seeing mean that others may see things differently?

All perception is limited by our thoughts and ideas about what we are seeing. Concepts define what we experience. Our own bias and value judgements color and shape our perception of the world and what we hold to be true. So if vipasyana is the practice of looking, can we ever see truly or are we simply seeing within the cage of our own confusion?

Vipasyana is preceded by the practice of shamatha because in shamatha we learn to let go of grasping to thoughts and following after trains of thought. The practice of shamatha gives us the skills and familiarity to recognize the limits of thoughts and ideas. Thoughts and ideas are not the thing itself. Concepts are not real. When we recognize this crucial flaw of concepts, we stop investing in them. We loosen the tight knots of limiting beliefs and perceptions.

Our view influences our meditation, and our view is largely formed by concepts and cultural influences that we have rarely examined fully if at all. Coming to a right view is an important first step to approaching meditation, but even more important is learning to engage in a practice that recognizes the futility of thoughts and ideas about the way things are. When we learn to simply look, free from mental elaboration and speculation, then we can start to appreciate what is right in front of us. Then we can start to explore the limits of perception and what is really true.

Do you want to be right, or true?

Right has a position. It has coordinates, you're either with me or your not. Being right, you have something to defend. 

True knows where it stands, but it understands others positions. It acknowledges and respects. Being true, you have something to share. 

Right is often painful. It is argumentative and fraught with conflict. 

True has tenderness and a built in humility. 

Right is full of confidence, which quickly falls to arrogance.

True is full of confidence, while remaining open to diversity, tension, and maybe even being wrong.

I still have faith.

Faith. It's a bit of a touchy word in our culture. It has a lot of baggage. We often look down on faith as a sort of weakness or oddity.

But what is faith?

Mipham Rinpoche says that faith is an admiration for, longing towards, and trust in what is authentic and true. It is a support for determination.

What does faith mean to you?

You could have blind faith. You could believe in a blue cow that grants all of your wishes.  You could have great admiration and trust in that cow.  You could really strive to make sure that it was happy so that he would send down his bounty. (him or a her?)  

That would be a true determination of faith based on your perception of what was authentic and true. I think that this is the type of faith that many of us are wary of, simply because it doesn't make any sense. It doesn't hold up to the facts, to reality. It bears no semblance to our experience and everything else that we hold to be true.  

So if you are one that acts out of reason and logic, does faith play no role in your life?  Can you have faith and still rely on science and philosophy? 

Yes.  An emphatic yes. 

We can have great admiration for what is true and authentic based on reason and logic.  In fact, reason and logic can reaffirm our faith, deepen it. 

We can generate great longing for searching out and discovering what is authentic and true based on reason and logic. We can be scientists and skeptics, philosophers and debaters and still have faith.  The act of searching and analyzing and dissecting can be facets of our faith.

And we can trust in the reason and logic that we have used to come to our conclusions, and to look deeper still. 

The search for what is authentic and true demands faith.  It requires it, because faith supports determination and we need to be determined in our quest for what is authentic and true in order to reach our destination.

I am a man of faith.  Are you?

Eyelashes in your eye.

You are not your neurosis.  You are not your flaws.
You are not your mood, your mental state, your anxiety or depression.
You are not the pain, the suffering, the highs or the lows.

Yet you identify with it because it is so prominent, so strong.  So irritating.

But you know that it is not right.

You have a basic wisdom, an inner knowing that knows it is not who you are, that this is not the way that you were meant to be.

So you look to get better.  You look to fix yourself, to improve your health, your life.  You might even look for a pill.

But before you do, let me tell you:

You've already done the hard part.

You've identified the gap.

The gap between your neurosis and your wisdom.  The gap between the energetic display and your true nature.

That may be a big step to take all at once.  But what if you stopped identifying with the neurosis, the anxiety, the pain and the discomfort?

What if you identified with the unerring and true?  What if you identified with your natural clarity and your innate goodness?  Your wisdom?

Now that you have identified the gap,
you only need to train.