The underlying drive.

Do you ever notice those people who always seem to be in control?

They are always seemingly poised and ready.  They exude confidence and strength.  They step into situations with presence and they always seem to take command and give direction. 

They are experts in controlling outer circumstances, like an air traffic controller, everything happening on time and in order. 

Except beneath that outer facade of control and poise is fear.

Fear of losing control.
Fear of feeling insecure.
Fear of being vulnerable. 

Fear is the motivating factor.  Fear is what compels them to get better at taking control.  Fear begets poise and confidence once the threat seems far off and distant, yet fear always lays in wait.

It is strange how far we have run, isn't it?

 

Exposed.

We spend a lot of time and effort to make ourselves comfortable, secure, safe.  That notion of comfort and safety really pulls on our hearts and minds, maybe because we think we can do what we really want to do once we have it secured.

But there is something to be said for being exposed.

Raw. Naked. Vulnerable. Exposed to the elements. To pain and adversity.  There is something about being exposed that makes us feel alive.

I don't know if other people get the feeling that they want to be exposed to the raw elements. 

I know I do.

Do you?

 

Compassion.

She is open, responsive, all-embracing.
She is without border or limit.
She is receptive, always available, even vulnerable.
She has a natural grace, a timeless presence.
Naturally radiant yet confidently grounded,
she is compassion.
As compassion she abides.

Her activity is her expression,
yet she is fully manifest without action.

The struggling artist.

An artist is someone who is generous, open and vulnerable.  Their medium is connection.  The result of their work is that they have impacted another life, brought about a benefit or change.

We all have to work with what is coming up.  Something is always coming up.

The artist is able to cut through the resistance and willing to care enough to make an impact.

The rest of us get caught up in the resistance, entangled in struggle and strife, dissatisfied in our search for meaning. 

We're struggling artists.

The difference?  How you relate to what is coming up in your life. 

Groundless.

Nothing is the same as it was before. 

That's difficult to accept.  It leaves us feeling vulnerable, exposed, confused.  It can make us angry, want to fight back and lash out.

We can fight ourselves for years, trying to get back the world we knew and loved.  But we should know that we are the creator of that burden, that our lives our complicated by our own complicated mind. 

It is difficult to accept that things have changed, but once we do it is easier to move forward, to start living in this new world and to start creating the world of tomorrow. 

Absence of denial.

Some turn off the news,
lock their door.
Some look down at their phone,
pretend like they didn't hear.
Some busy themselves with important things,
"I'd like to but I don't have time."
Some shift the blame,
believe a conspiracy or claim no control.
Some are paralyzed by fear,
others by indifference.

A few, the rare ones, have the courage to witness, to listen, to hold the space.

The courage to be vulnerable, to be open to pain and suffering.  To stand for a moment with uncertainty and fear.  To sit with discord and irritation.  To wait, when its easier to run and hide.

Terrible things happen everyday.  There is no end to the pain and struggle.  It takes courage to hold that sadness in your hands, to feel it course through your life, and to keep practicing anyways.

As long as space remains, 

as long as sentient beings remain, 

May I too remain, 

to dispel the misery of the world.

Shantideva

When do we let go?

We have all been hurt in the past.  We have been wronged, disrespected, mistreated.  Some of us have experienced small slights, some offenses have been traumatic and left wounds that are still open. 

When do we let that pain go?  Does holding onto it serve us in any way that is beneficial?

Holding onto it continues to fuel the fire.  We relive it.  We talk ourselves through it and try to imagine how it could have changed or been different.  It is our wound, and we are holding onto it. 

When do we let it go? 

Not let it go and pretend it didn't happen.  When do we let go of what we think life would be like without the wound.  When do we let go of the fantasy that the wound will stop impacting our life. 

You have a wound.  We all have our wounds.  They are tender, raw, and vulnerable.  We can sit with that.  We can work with that.  That is work worth doing. 

We spend so much time trying to cover up our wounds, hide them from the world and pretend like they don't exist.  But they do exist, in all of us.  They make us human.  They provide an opportunity for us to look into our own suffering and connect with the suffering of others. 

When we are truly open to having our wounds be exposed, then we realize the impact of harming another living being.  Then we can start to commit to doing no harm.

#DoNoHarm

Doubt.

Doubt is a mischievous little thing.  It sneaks up on you unknowingly.  It lurks in the shadows of your mind, waiting for an opportunity to spring up and occupy your mind.

In a way, doubt protects us.  It prevents us from being taken advantage of, from being fooled, again.  It is an intellectual and emotional survival mechanism.  I won't let myself be hurt.  I won't over commit. 

I still hold the reins.

But doubt also holds us back.  What are we holding onto?  We are holding onto our hearts and minds.  We cannot tolerate being that vulnerable, open.  If we really put ourselves out there, we are so susceptible to being hurt, being let down.

So we hold on.

We hold on and we don't let go.  We look for the slightest misstep.  We pounce on every incorrect utterance.  "Aha!  I was right all along."

You should not blindly trust people and be susceptible to their every whim and preoccupation.  But with your own experience as your guide, with reason and logic as your weight, and with confidence as the full measure, it may be time to be willing to be open and vulnerable.  It may be time to trust.  It may also be time to doubt whatever you used to be holding onto. 

Doubt the need to always protect yourself.  Open your heart and mind to others, and you might be surprised what comes back to you in return.

Crossing the Chasm

Conventional wisdom says it is better to keep moving forward, one step at a time.  Don't give up any ground, don't lose that forward momentum. 

Especially when you are encountering the resistance. 

But now we know what the resistance really is.  Paradoxically, as we are plodding ahead one step at a time, our unwillingness to give up any ground actually feeds the resistance. 

The resistance hides in holding onto a ground.

So take two steps back. 

Be willing to be vulnerable, to expose your flaws.  Relax the tight grip on whatever it is that you are holding onto.

By letting go of your ground, the resistance has nothing to stand on.  You've opened up a shift in space. 

Now you can trust in the practice, step forward, and have the momentum to leap over the chasm. 

Welcome to the other side.