Compassion, redefined.

I have spent a lot of time leading meditation workshops and discussions about compassion. Most people tend to focus on the action of compassion. Compassion means helping the homeless, feeding the hungry, tending to the sick. Compassion means doing. If you take the action out, then somehow compassion seems to fall away.

This type of compassion is results focused. It needs to demonstrate an impact. No impact, no meaning.

The Buddha taught this type of compassion as 'normal' compassion. This is the type of compassion that we have for our friends and family, and even to strangers in times of crisis or shared humanity. We see this type of compassion in certain mammals, this natural instinct to take care and nurture our loved ones for our own welfare and survival.

When we are trying to cultivate compassion in meditation, we are trying to cultivate unconditional compassion. This is compassion that is objectless and unbiased. For this type of unconditional compassion, we need a new definition of compassion.

Unconditional compassion is open, available and responsive.

It is open- receptive, accommodating, vulnerable.
It is available- present, alert, attentive.
It is responsive- dynamic, engaged, attuned.

Unconditional compassion is focused on being, not doing. Being open, available and responsive, we can offer others our attention and understanding, we can acknowledge the pain and suffering they are going through, we can stay with them through struggle and strife. Embodying this unconditional compassion, we can offer others our warmth, kindness and generosity, or we can simply be present, listen, and witness.

"I see you" and "I hear you" can be more powerful than offering a solution. Compassion doesn't always need to have an answer, we don't always need to provide a fix. Sometimes offering others dignity and understanding are enough.

We can learn to rest in a state of openness, availability and responsiveness. We can learn to rest in unbiased equanimity, allowing ourselves to witness our own pain and the suffering of others. We can learn to be patient with adversity and ugliness, to witness rather than react, to embrace rather than reject.

And we can learn to carry this openness, availability and responsiveness off the cushion. We can carry it into our homes, our communities and into the world. We can walk with openness, be present and available in the world, and respond and engage with the way things are.

The foundation of compassion.

Compassion requires that we are present, that we remain open and responsive to others and the situations that we find ourselves in. A compassionate mind is engaged, connected and available. A compassionate heart hears, acknowledges and understands.

All of us have some measure of compassion. Often that circle is small and narrow, but we can train ourselves to develop great compassion. We can train in generating a mind that has compassion for all beings, everywhere, regardless of their circumstances.

The foundation for generating great compassion is self-awareness. If we can't be open and non-judgemental with ourselves, how can we remain open and present with others.

Self-awareness is a lens through which we see our own mind, thoughts, emotions, fears and neurosis. Self-awareness knows our present state. As we engage in meditation and strengthen our mindfulness and vigilant awareness, we start to see and appreciate the various levels of the self. We start to gain more agility in dealing with strong negative emotions and thoughts. Mindfulness and vigilant awareness deepen our self-awareness, which allows us to be more open and perceptive to who we are and who we are not.

As we train in compassion, we are really training in how to remain present, open and responsive. If we find ourselves shutting down, turning away or tuning out, then our practice of being compassionate has slipped into the mire of self-focus and our own agenda. Self-awareness allows us to assess and manage that process of shutting down and turning away, it allows us to see what we are averse to and to try to let go of our fixation.

A simple practice to work with this practice of self-awareness and compassion is tonglen, or giving and accepting. In this practice, we can see where we start to shut down to others pain and suffering. We can see what kind of situations we tend to turn away from. It might be easy to practice tonglen with a loved one in mind, but it might be very difficult when that person is a homeless man or someone who causes you a lot of trouble. It might also be easy if someone is suffering from certain mundane problems, but very difficult if that person has a debilitating cancer or illness.

Where do you start to shut down in your practice? In your daily life? Use the power of self-awareness to catch yourself as you start to tune out and turn away.

The practice of compassion extremely powerful and includes all aspects of the path. Everything is connected, and so are we.

The practice of compassion.

What do you think about when someone says to practice compassion?

Do you think about helping someone.  Lending a hand.  Tending to the suffering, feeding the hungry.  Do you think about a mother caring for her child.  A father picking up their child from an accident.

We tend to think of the practice of compassion as an act.

But what if the practice of compassion was to be open, available and responsive?  What if the act of compassion was to remain open, available and responsive?

The practice isn't about doing, it is about being.

Being open, available and responsive- you could help someone, lend a hand, tend to their suffering, feed them when they are hungry.

You could also simply maintain that space for them.  Be there, with them, not doing anything.  And not needing to.