Self-loathing.

We all have negative self talk. We all beat up on ourselves more than we should. We are our greatest critic, and we don't mince words with ourselves.

This is a really deep seated aversion and guilt about who we are and who we should be. The root of the problem lies in our conception of who we are, but it is not enough to simply see that ego is the problem. If anything, seeing that ego is the problem can further inflame our self hatred, because we should know better and even do know better.

But what can we do about it?

Recognize for a moment that there is a part of you that knows what you did, what you said, or how you screwed up isn't you. That moment in time isn't you. It was just a sentence, or conversation, or an action.

Let's call that moment of confusion, ignorance or stupidity your smaller self. Then, the knowing aspect that recognizes the actions of the smaller self, but also recognizes that is not who you are, let's call that your wisdom self. 

Your smaller self screwed up. You acted inappropriately, or lost your cool, or said something stupid. It happens.

Your wisdom self sees how you embody many different facets and roles in this life. Your wisdom self sees the bigger picture, knows that you care, that you try to do the right thing and strive to meaningfully contribute. Most importantly, your wisdom self knows that your past affects who you are today, but it doesn't define who you are. You get to decide that. Let your wisdom self decide that.

When your stuck in your head, beating yourself up about what you said or did, take a moment to notice that smaller self and then step back and notice the wisdom self. Smile and even laugh at the actions of the smaller self. Don't take yourself to seriously. With love and kindness, look at that smaller self and reflect on how far you have come, and how much further you have yet to go.

Then, taking a moment to acknowledge the pain and frustration of the smaller self, thank them for the lesson. Finally, set your intention with wisdom, and get back to work.

What are we fighting for?

The guy in front of you cuts you off, you flick him off and ride his tail.  What are you fighting for?

Your day hasn't gone to plan, your late for your appointment and that one guy was rude.  Who are you fighting?

You've lost control of the situation and have nothing left to do but be angry.  Why?

When people disrespect you, treat you like a fool, take advantage of you, is your anger justified?

In all of these situations, what is your role?  You are one of the main actors in each of these situations, so how are you to act?  Surely we would not be surprised if you retaliated, put up a good fight and vented your anger.

It might be worth looking, really deeply, what exactly it is that we are fighting for.  If you fight for this thing, whatever it is, how does that play out if you continue to put up a fight?  Where does the fight end?  What does our family look like if everyone fights for this thing?  What about our community and our schools?

What are you fighting for?

#DoNoHarm

A natural process?

Inflammation occurs when the body suffers an insult or is damaged in some way.  The body unleashes a complex inflammatory cascade to fight off the invasive stimulus in an attempt to minimize damage and restore health.  Inflammation is a natural process and is designed to promote a self-sustaining organism, but it can also lead to chronic disease.

Chronic inflammation leads to conditions such as arthritis, Chrohn's disease, heart disease and recent research even includes depression as a result of inflammation of the brain. 

So when is inflammation good, and when is it bad?

The difference from a biological perspective is whether it promotes health and well being.  Inflammation that leads to conditions such as arthritis or heart disease is bad, in that they are indicators of decreased quality of life and higher mortality.  Inflammation that leads to the restoration of health and the neutralizing of infection or injury is determined to be good.

How about anger?

Anger often results when we suffer an insult or attack from another person or from a challenging situation.  Does anger arise as a defense mechanism?  If so, what are we defending?  Is it designed to restore health and balance?  Or does the inflammation of our anger engender unease and further conflict?

When is anger an appropriate response and what does it look like?  When is anger unjust and disruptive? 

It might be worth contemplating.  What do you think?

#DoNoHarm

Violence, anger and inflammation.

I invite you to join me in a discussion.  

I think we need to talk about violence, anger and inflammation.  Not so much as it applies to politics and warfare, but as it applies to ourselves and our situation.  Where does it come from, and why is it so prevalent?

How do we respond when things get rough?
How do we approach disrespect in our relationships, workplace and community?
Is anger useful?  When and how?
What is the point of inflammation and does it actually achieve that purpose?
What is the root cause of anger?  Is it the same cause for violence?
How do we actually practice non-violence and commit to doing no harm in our own life?  How do we work with our own anger and reduce our inflammatory response to stressful situations?

I don't know where this meditation will lead us, but I hope you will join me in digging deeper.

Share your thoughts.  Share a story.  Share your insight.  Share it on your blog.  Share it via email.  Invite others. 

#DoNoHarm

I look forward to hearing from you.

Expectations

A bee goes about his day carrying out his work, collects honey and brings it back to the hive.  If you get in his way or threaten him, you might get stung.

Ah, that stings.  I should have known better, should have been more careful. 

We all know that is what bees do.

Have you ever driven in the back country in cattle country?  I'm talking gravel road, wandering herd back country.  The cows just wander about, grazing and eating.  Sometimes they just stand right in the road, minding their own business.  You can sit there and honk, drive up really close, but mostly you just need to wait until they move.  And of course they move.

Maybe you grew a little impatient, but you never really got angry, right?  I mean its a cow, being a cow. 

Ever leave food outside, the birds will get at it.  Or the coons.  You should have known better, should have been more careful.

But why is it that when we get stung by people just going about their business, we get angry.

Why is it that when people get in our way and won't move, we get angry.

Why is it that when people come after what is ours, we get angry and defensive.

Maybe we should have known better.  Maybe we should have been more careful.

Speak nicely and guard your mind.