How does wisdom lead to love?

The fundamental truth that the Buddha discovered upon his enlightenment was the truth of dependent origination. Everything is born of causes and conditions, and being dependently arisen they are empty of their own inherent existence.

The Buddha's insight into emptiness, or non-self, is critical to properly understanding dependent origination. We all acknowledge the causal nature of reality, causes produce effects. Out of our own confusion about the way things exist, we believe things we experience to be truly established and to exist from their own side. Conceiving of a truly existing self and truly existing phenomena, we get caught up in a web of rigid beliefs and perceptions.

Perceiving the world as existing in a very fixed way, we react very strongly to our experience. Our emotional responses to the world become very strong and often take control of our thoughts and actions. Instead of responding to our situation with intention and mindfulness, we act out unconscious behaviors based on past conditioning.

The Buddha explained this cycle of reactivity as the cause of suffering. The fundamental cause is ignorance, or believing in a fixed identity. To eliminate that ignorance he taught dependent origination and the teachings on emptiness.

A common question, and a good question, is how does this insight into dependent origination lead to the practice of love and compassion?

When the Buddha taught the four noble truths, his instruction for the truth of suffering was that suffering was to be understood. When we understand dependent origination and emptiness, we understand our nature and the nature of reality. When this understanding is no longer conditioned by emotional reactivity, we develop acceptance and tolerance for the way things are.

Understanding the truth of the human condition leads to acceptance and openness. Acceptance and openness lead to kindness and love for others. When our minds are no longer conditioned by strong negative emotions, we find that even in difficult situations we can extend kindness and respect to others.

This potential is always available to us. Wisdom into our true nature greatly benefits us and frees our minds, but it also benefits others and the communities in which we work and live.

Wisdom reveals our shared humanity and practicing this opens our hearts and minds to living with more understanding and acceptance. These are values that our communities need. The world is a better place when we act with kindness.

May I be a guard for those who need protection,
A guide for those on the path,
A boat, a raft, a bridge for those who wish to cross the flood.
May I be a lamp in the darkness,
A resting place for the weary,
A healing medicine for all who are sick
A vase of plenty, a tree of miracles.
And for the boundless multitudes of living beings
May I bring sustenance and awakening,
Enduring like the earth and sky
Until all beings are freed from sorrow
And all are awakened.

 - Shantideva, from the Way of the Bodhisattva

Spiritual connections are important.

Spiritual connection and engagement is the product of love, belonging, and vulnerability. 

Brene Brown

When we enter into authentic spiritual communities we should feel awkward. Awkward, because we can lower our guard, get rid of the facade, drop the pretense. Awkward, because we can come as we are. Awkward, because we can be vulnerable and honest. 

Your brothers and sisters around you support you in your practice and in your pursuit of happiness. They understand your challenges and failures. They respect your effort and your persistence. 

We all need this kind of connection in our life. Connection with those who travel the path and live a life devoted to practice. Seeking out and building these connections enriches our own practice and it enriches our world. 

What's love?

To love another means to understand them.
To love means to see them for who they are.
To love means to support their happiness.
To love means to rejoice in their growth and development.

We can develop this kind of love for everyone. We can move through the world with this love. In this way, we can love friends, strangers and even our opponents.

I see you. I respect you. I can understand your situation and see why you might think that is in your best interest. I might not agree with you, but I rejoice in your efforts to lift yourself so you can live a better life.

What prevents us from loving others in this way? Our own small mindedness. Our own fixation to our position and place. Our own inability to love and accept who we are, much less who others are.

By supporting and growing our own hearts, we can learn to expand our love to everyone. By understanding ourselves more fully, we become more in tune with others. Expand our self-awareness, and we expand our circle of acceptance.

You don't need to perform well to be loved.

You don't need to be the best at what you do.
You don't need to be the smartest, or have the best questions or most insightful answers.
You don't need to be a generous donor or diligently contribute in meaningful ways.
You don't need to show progress. You don't need to prove your worth or your value.

Come as you are.

In circles where you are doing the deep work of waking yourself up, of wrestling with your inner demons and trying to free yourself from the prison of your own confused perceptions and emotional trauma, you don't need to perform well to be loved.

We accept you as you are. And we are going to support you in your practice until you can figure out how to do that as well.

An exercise in love.

From On Being with Krista Tippett:

This tool that I inherited, that's in my toolbox, is right there:
I carve this little space each day for being,
in the me so I can be there more for the we,
and I am now really conscious of how core it is in an exercise in love,
so that I can be more agile and helpful, 
when more contentious moments happen,
the moment I turn on my phone or open my front door.

Rabbi Amichai Lau-Lavie

Unconditional love.

We are all familiar with love.  We love our family and close friends.  We would do anything to help them.  We take joy in their success, we suffer in their pain and loss. 

We don't often think of this love as conditional.  If we were asked, we would most likely say that it is unconditional love. 

We love them when they make mistakes, or lose their temper.  We give them the benefit of the doubt.  We cut them some slack.  Regardless of the conditions, our love for them endures. 

But this type of love is also really conditional love.  They are those close to us, those in our inner circle.  They are those that we rely heavily upon and who give us support and comfort.  Those are the conditions of our unconditional love. 

But what does unconditional love really look like?

It is never forsaking anyone from your heart.

It is a mind that never gives up hope, is willing to give them another chance.  It is allowing mistakes and imperfections.  Cutting people some slack, giving them the benefit of the doubt.

People are going to do bad things to us.  They are going to deceive us, act out, cause us grief.  But we never close the door.  We never say we are done.  It's never over.

Keep the door ajar.  You don't need to invite them back in, let them come on their own terms.  But keep the door ajar.

By not forsaking others, we give them a chance.  We keep the aspiration that they find happiness and be free from suffering.  We continue to show up, regardless of the conditions. 

Overwhelm challenges.

Usually we try to meet challenges with aggression.  We get ourselves worked up, we really fight and give it our all.  We meet intense situations with more intensity. 

Aggression is the bold face.  What lies beneath all of that aggression is aversion.  We fear losing, or losing control.  We don't back down because we would then feel vulnerable.  We keep pushing, because at least we can say we kept pushing. 

Our culture loves the aggressive model of meeting challenges.  It is celebrated and often bears the intended fruit.  But aggression is also exhausting and it doesn't always leave us feeling satisfied inside.

Is aggression the only way? 

Imagine instead of pushing back against challenges, we let them in, were patient with them, and then shared generously.
Imagine instead of getting worked up and fighting, we witnessed the situation and then acted with kindness.
Imagine instead of intensifying our activity, we moved with deliberate gentleness. 

The ability to witness, understand and listen is the hallmark of accepting situations as they arise.  The ability to then stand up, speak and act is the hallmark of sharing your gifts.

Overwhelm challenges with love.

Wandering.

We don't wander because we are lost.
We wander because we are searching.

For connection.
For meaning, love, something human.

We search for something we don't have, or don't recognize.  So we roam about, different groups, settings, countries.  We wander in search of connection.

The root of wandering lies in loneliness.  The root of loneliness, love. 

Hold on a moment.

You can also wander out of curiosity.

In search of truth, knowledge, certainty.

Uncertainty propels us forward, keeps us searching on the path.

So why do we wander in and out of various mental states throughout the day, is it because of curiosity or love?

 

What do we leave for posterity?

Some stories, stuff made, a few worthy possessions. 
We leave a few gems, a few things worth holding onto.
We leave memories, and pictures, and special recipes no one else had.

Mostly we leave the impact of love.
It's love that impacts people's lives, that changes them.
It's love that makes the stories meaningful,
that makes the possessions valuable.  

Love compels us to seek out the stories,
to rummage through the pile,
to hold on.

Love is our last testament. 

Loneliness.

At the root of loneliness is love.

It's love, not shared. 

A warm embrace.

A mother's compassion is without limit and free from judgement.
She is simply there for you, always.
She holds that space open, continuously.
She will listen when you need her to listen.
Help when you need help.
She will feed you when you are hungry,
comfort you when you are sick.
She will never fix you, because you don't need to be fixed.
She will love you, unconditionally.
Hold you, when it hurts.
Wait for you, with you, while you make your way.
A mother's compassion knows no limit,
because she cannot conceive of a moment she will stop loving you.
Such love is worth rejoicing and celebrating.

Happy Mother's Day,
to all of our mothers out there.

Worldly concerns.

The Tibetan for 'worldly' is འཇིག་རྟེན་ 'jigten'.

'jig means perishable, breaks down, disintegrates.
rten means to support or rely upon.

What we consider worldly concerns are concerns that rely upon that which is perishable, that which breaks down and disintegrates.  Why concern yourself with that which is perishable?  Why invest so much time and effort in that which is invariably going to fall apart?

Gain or loss.
Praise or blame.
Fame or insignificance.
Happiness or suffering.

Don't concern yourself with them.  Instead focus on acting on the causes of happiness and eliminating the causes of suffering.  Focus on generosity, kindness and compassion.  Focus on being patient and sincere.  Focus on connections and interactions that don't have a limit, focus on benefiting others.  

That transcends the world.  It is beyond this world.  It is supramundane and it can be part of your day.   

Let's fix diffusion.

Diffusion is the natural and spontaneous movement of a substance from an area of high concentration to an area of low concentration.

Perfume diffuses in a room to leave a pleasant fragrance.

A teabag diffuses in water to make an enjoyable tea.

Oxygen in your lungs diffuses into your red blood cells to reinvigorate you and your work.

A popular local coffee shop diffuses into a global chain.

Diffusion is a natural process but we don’t often use it to our advantage.  We tend to be the area of low concentration.  So we consume.  We are entertained.  We listen and watch.  Mainly we wait and passively enjoy the fruits of a world that blooms around us.

What if that changed?

What if we became a source of wealth and bounty?  What if we were a wellspring of kindness and generosity?  What if our practice yielded dividends in the form of love? 

If we became a source of patience, kindness and generosity, what would happen in our homes and in our workplace?

If our practice gave rise to insight, drew out implications and made connections, do you think we would make an impact in those around us?

It might seem like a long shot, but the ball is in your court. 

Maybe this won’t even work, but even if you fail, what happiness and joy.

What is your vessel?

When you wake each morning and rise from bed, what vessel do you use to move forward through your day?

Is it profit or gain.  Conquest and power.  Do you set your sights on simply making it through? 

What carries you through the good moments and the bad?  What allows you to bear witness to the extraordinary and painful?  What allows you to enjoy your meal and drink deeply, while also allowing you to sit with hunger and thirst?

Does the nature of your vessel give rise to love and kindness or do these need to be fabricated on their own?  Does your vessel allow for generosity and patience or are those extraneous virtues that only arise through effort?  Is your vessel a source of insight and wisdom? 

Take impermanence as your vessel. 

It will carry you across beautiful waters and rough seas.
It will bring enjoyment to your meals and quell the hollows of your hunger.
It naturally gives rise to kindness and compassion,
and is the source of unending insight and wisdom.

Take impermanence as your vessel and use it to live a life of kindness and generosity.  Use it to fulfill your own aims and the aims of others. 

Use it, because it will not last.  

What does fearlessness look like?

It looks like loving-kindness.
Like patience and an open presence.

It is someone who continues to show up.
Someone doing the work, pushing themselves.

It sounds like someone who isn't quitting,
who isn't complaining or shifting the blame.

Being fearless isn't easy.  It is incredibly hard.  There are battles everywhere, on a daily basis.

But those battles aren't with the world, they are battles that are fought on the inside.  Battles with hope and fear, pain and discontentment.  Battles with your feelings and your perceptions.  Battles with your mind.

But the fearless warrior keeps fighting, because they know the battle is worth it.  Their practice shows them that it is possible, it provides them with a ground which they can trust. 

Stick with your practice, we need your inspiration. 

A change in posture.

What we tell ourselves influences our posture.

'I am tired'- our shoulders slouch, we need to sit down.
'I am not tired'- we stand tall, push ahead despite the fatigue.
'I can't do this'- looking for any reason, no matter how small, to duck out.
'I am a frog'- well, we can hop around all day but let's face it, that's simply just not true.

So what if we tell ourselves we love to be generous, to make connections that matter and to bring value to the communities in which we live and work?  What does that posture look like? 

It might look like an open, outstretched hand. 

Is it true?

Well, that is up to you. 

Repaying our mother's kindness.

Our own mother,
fed us, clothed us, nurtured us.
She treated our ailments, soothed our wounds.
She gave to us consummate with our needs,
and gave even more consummate with our wants.
She tirelessly worked for our benefit,
even when she was not around,
she was still working for our benefit.
Our mothers have shown us incredible kindness,
a kindness that often never received a 'thank you'.
As children this may have been acceptable,
but as adults we must recognize our own mother's suffering.
We must witness her struggles, her pain and her worries.
She is often tired and alone, age slowly wearing down her strength.
Our love for our mother should fill our heart,
giving birth to a strong intention to relieve her suffering
and to bring happiness and joy to her life.
We should assist her in her health, help her with her wounds.
With a wholehearted resolve, we should generate the intention to repay her kindness.
And we should act on that intention.

Our own Mother Earth,
fed us, clothed us, nurtured us.
She has been the source of all,
giving to us consummate with our needs,
and giving even more consummate with our wants.
She has tirelessly given for our own benefit,
even when we do not recognize her influence,
still she has been there, blessing us with her bounty.
Mother Earth has shown us incredible kindness,
a kindness that often never received a 'thank you'.
As children, this may have been acceptable,
but as adults we must recognize Mother Earth's own suffering.
We must witness her breaking down, her exhaustion.
She is often neglected and abused, worn thin by our greed.
Our love for Mother Earth should fill our hearts,
giving birth to a strong intention to relieve her suffering
and to bring her a state of peace and well being.
We should assist her in her health, help heal her wounds.
With a wholehearted resolve, we should generate the intention to repay her kindness.
And we should act on that intention.

Our own herds of cattle and oceans of fish,
fed us, clothed us, nurtured us.
They have been the source of so much for our benefit,
giving to us consummate with our needs,
and giving even more consummate with our wants.
They have tirelessly given for our benefit,
even when we do not recognize their influence,
still they are there working for our benefit.
All these cattle and fish have shown us incredible kindness,
a kindness that often never received a 'thank you'.
As children, this may have been acceptable,
but as adults we must recognize animals own suffering.
We must witness them breaking down in exhaustion.
They are often neglected and abused, overly fed by our greed.
Love for these animals should fill our hearts,
giving birth to a strong intention to relieve their suffering
and bring them to a state of peace and well being.
We should assist them in achieving a state of health,
help to heal the wounds of the system.
With a wholehearted resolve, we should generate the intention to repay their kindness.
And we should act on that intention.

Our own communities,
fed us, clothed us, nurtured us.
They have been the source of all our benefit,
giving to us consummate with our needs,
and giving even more consummate with our wants.
They have tireless given for our benefit,
even when we do not recognize their influence,
still they are there working for our benefit.
These communities have shown us incredible kindness,
a kindness that often never received a 'thank you'.
As children, this may have been acceptable,
but as adults we must recognize the communities own suffering.
We must witness it breaking down and being abused.
It is often neglected and spread thin by our selfish greed.
Love for our communities should fill our hearts,
giving birth to a strong intention to relieve its suffering
and bringing it to a state of peace and well being.
We should assist in bringing it to a state of health,
helping to heal its wounds and increasing its bounty.
With a wholehearted resolve, we should generate the intention to repay its kindness.
And we should act on that intention.

We, as a society, have acted like children for far too long.  We have taken all that we have wanted and never felt compelled to give back.  Now is the time to recognize the gifts that we have been given, to respect those who have been the source of these gifts, and to start repaying their kindness with our own gifts.  Now is the time to act. 

Time to get to work.

A Meditation for the Dying.

Death can be a very difficult time, both for the dying and the grieving.  There can be feelings of helplessness, fear, uncertainty and great sadness and longing.  The Tibetan tradition has a very simple practice to help both the dying and those who are acting as their support.

Begin the meditation by lighting a candle, some incense and recalling the person in your mind's eye.  You may want to use a picture, but better is to simply feel their presence and the presence that they have had in your life. 

With each exhale,
send out your love to them,
radiating out joy and happiness.
With each inhale,
take upon yourself their fear and sadness,
wholeheartedly relieving and supporting them.
Exhale,
uplifting their minds and hearts,
giving them confidence and clarity on the path ahead.
Inhale,
relieving their doubt and uncertainty,
their pain and sorrow.
Exhale.  Give.
Inhale.  Take.
Exhale.
Inhale.

At the conclusion of the practice, make additional prayers or recite mantras and dedicate your practice.

Generally this type of practice is done for seven to forty-nine days after death to ensure and support the transition to the next life, whatever that may be.  It doesn't need to be elaborate, it can be as simple as sitting in a park, calling them to mind and sending them your love.

Exhale.

You and your dog.

You love your dog.
He is not a project,
he has a life of his own.
Your dog has an important role in your life,
he is there, day in and day out,
through the good and the bad,
through moments of joy and moments of defeat.
You make time to spend with your dog,
you adhere to that commitment,
because the joy and love he brings to your life is worth it.
You may have never imagined how much love you could hold,
but your dog shows you it is possible to love unconditionally.
Losing your dog brings a rush of fear and longing,
because it is a privilege to have this great companion,
to carry the responsibility of caring for your dog.
It is priceless.

Switch out the following words:
practice for dog; and it for he.

Indifference is not wisdom.

How we relate to what is coming up in our experience determines whether or not it gives rise to wisdom. 

If we are open and responsive, willing to sit with resistance and irritation, we have a chance of opening up to insight and clarity.  Usually however as soon as we are faced with resistance and irritation we look to protect ourselves and close off any opportunity for harm and discomfort to enter, thus shutting any window for the light of wisdom to dawn.  

If we approach our experience with indifference it produces an even more unsightly side effect.  People who possess a mind of indifference actually think that they are quite wise and capable.  Their nonchalantness and overall lack of concern is actually a subtle dullness that results from a nihilistic view (nihilism = nothing matters, who cares).  The result is that they lack warmth, generosity, love and compassion.  Their practice has stalled and any progress is halted.

But they think they are doing a really good job.  And that is the danger. 

They could continue on this path for years before their practice gets corrected.   They could continue down the path of ego and ignorance, instead of the path of wisdom.

How do you relate to what is coming up in your life, right now?