Siddhearta's Essence of 2020.

I am not going to lie, 2020 was a challenging year. In Buddhist practice we often find this sentiment:

Transform obstacles into the path of awakening. 

Well, 2020 decided to just throw everything at us at once. How do we stay present, generous, receptive and kind amidst a global pandemic, natural disasters, rampant job loss, economic fallout, social unrest, homeschooling, and oh, an election year? Chances are you don't. And that's okay, that's why we call it a practice. You practice being present, practice being kind, practice being generous, practice being receptive. You practice and you fail, a lot. 

This year was particularly challenging for me. I lost my father-in-law and two close friends to non-COVID related deaths. One of my regular practices is to engage in the traditional Buddhist 49 days of practice after someone dies, as a way to show up for them as they transition through the death process into their next life. It allows for a natural way to grieve, while also honoring the connection that you have and still have after someone has passed from this life. At one point in August after I had been doing the practice daily since mid-May, I began to wonder if I would ever stop doing the practice. My father-in-law and two close friends died in successive months, and this was accompanied by the many other people I knew through work or through acquaintances that died due to COVID-19. My 49 day practice ended up coming to a close at the end of August, and yet how many have we lost since then...

2020 forced all of us to reconsider how we show up in the world. We were forced to reshape our lives, change the way we work, learn, interact. Things that we used to do are no longer options, and things we never imagined doing have become normal (wearing a mask at work all day). In one way, we have all come to appreciate what matters most in our lives, and we have all slowed down a bit to take advantage of those things. 

Despite all of the challenges of this year, there were still opportunities that came to light. Our Sangha has transformed into a thriving online community, though we no doubt look forward to the chance to reconnect again for retreats in person. We also started the Dharma Conversations Podcast this year and have published over a dozen episodes so far. I also finished up editing a book for my teacher, Younge Khachab Rinpoche, expected to be released this spring. Stay tuned for more details. 

As I look back at this past year, I realize how fortunate me and my family have been and I am grateful that I have such a supportive network of family and friends. It is hard to imagine having to navigate the uncertainty of this year without those connections. Much was lost this year and it is easier to appreciate just how precious and fragile this life really is. I am also tired and weary and would like a break, and I am sure you would too. Hang in there, find some time for yourself, recognize your own needs amidst all of the chaos. Give yourself the needed break of putting aside all the media, the worrisome thoughts and stories. Don't punish yourself with unnecessary expectations. It is enough to be present amidst uncertainty,  without a clear handle of how things are going to work out or when this is all going to be over. 

Here are some of my better posts from this year:

For your practice: 

Spacious Awareness
A metaphor for timeless awareness.
The Royal Seat of Akanishtha.
The journey to the center of it all. 
Carry on.
Exploring mind and its nature. 
Two pespectives on mind. 
Fulfillment, found. 

Pandemic contemplations:

In search of the normal day.
Last chance to share thanks. 
Not doing is hard work. 

Conscious Leadership and institutional racism

"I am not a leader."
I am a contribution. 
#BlackLivesMatter. *Conditional terms apply
Conscious citizens of the world
Model of conscious leadership
Five elements of conscious leadership

Consider giving.

2020 has been a challenging year for all of us. This holiday season I hope you consider giving to charities as one of the gifts you share. It doesn't need to be much, but every gift matters and opens doors of possibility and hope for others. Here are a few of the charities worth considering:

Feeding America

With the pervasive presence of COVID-19, many families are facing difficulty putting food on the table. There are numerous organizations that have met this challenge, and Feeding America is one of the highest rated and most efficient programs working to connect people with the food they need. You can also enter your zip code to determine local food banks if you want to focus on your community (Food Lifeline for Seattle). Every $1 donation provides ten meals to families in need. 

GiveDirectly

GiveDirectly gives cash to people in need, no strings attached. Studies have shown this to be the most effective way to help the poor and make an impact in their lives. They currently have campaigns in America and Africa to help those in need. Your dollar goes a long way to helping families in Africa, and we also have a pressing need to support those in our own communities across America. 

buildOn

buildOn empowers the youth to serve our country and the world in order to break the cycle of poverty, illiteracy and low expectations. They are a highly rated charity with various programs to help both in America and abroad. A $66 donation supports the education for three children in developing countries.

Charity:water

Charity:water funds clean water projects in developing countries, providing access to clean and safe drinking water. It's easy to overlook to impact clean water makes to our life until we don't have it. Millions of people around the world struggle to procure clean water every day, time that could be used for work or education. 100% of every donation goes to fund clean water projects.

Equal Justice Initiative

The EJI works to end mass incarceration, seeking racial justice and public education to protect basic human rights. EJI has a perfect score of 100 on Charity Navigator, meaning every dollar you donate has maximal impact. 

84,000

84,000 translates all of the Buddha's words into modern language, providing free and open access to all via its online reading room. $250 supports the translation of one page of the Buddha's teachings. Give a little, and then spend some time enjoying their reading room knowing that you are helping to make it happen. 

Buddhist Digital Resource Center

TBRC is dedicating to seeking out, preserving and sharing Buddhist texts through technology. For over twenty years they have been seeking out the hardcopies of texts and then scanning them into a digital format. I have been using their online library for over ten years to translate various texts, all of which are made freely available to translators and academic institutions. Projects like 84,000 and other Buddhist publications rely heavily on their work. 

There are a hundreds of other important charities to support. GiveWell provides a list of charities that make the most impact per dollar. Charity Navigator is a useful resource for evaluating charities and assessing the impact that they provide. 

Money is not the only gift you can share this holiday season. Our communities are in desperate need of kindness, patience, and giving each other a break. A smile goes a long way, but in a world where we often cannot see others smile, looking someone in the eye and being present for them can be a gift we can all aspire to share. 

Not the result you were looking for.

We tend to spend much of our days looking for something, in search of the new, the better. We would like to see an outcome from our efforts. What's all this time and energy worth? What is the practice for?

What if I told you that you already had everything you were looking for? You already have the capacity. You already have full possession of the result that you seek. The goal is already manifest, there is nothing more to do and nothing to be improved upon. 

Chances are you would not believe me. I must be stretching the truth or trying to pull a fast one on you. Surely I am embellishing. 

And what if I am not being deceitful or egregious?

What would you do if what I am telling you is in fact true? 

I honestly don't know what you will do. Personally, I live a life dedicated to practice. 

Practice looks like showing up, taking responsibility, being receptive and available, doing the hard work of being patient and generous and kind. It looks like trying to figure out how I can meaningful contribute and be of service to others. 

And it feels nice, knowing that this is enough. We don't need a big show for our life and our work, it doesn't need to be a spectacle or even remarkable. There doesn't need to be a grand finale, a celebration for the work or even a word of praise for all you have done. 

Simply this is enough. 

Trust your self.

Trust your self. Your hidden self, the self that knows how you can show up in the world. 

How we show up in the world is not one self, for each of us plays many roles in this single lifetime. How you show up for your child is different than how you show up for your partner or friend. How you show up at work changes depending on if you are interacting with your coworker, your client, or your boss. 

We would like to think that we can be the same person for all of these roles, that we can bring our authentic self to each of these interactions. But we can't. Each person is asking and expecting something different from us. 

So which of these is your true, authentic self? Which is these is the self that we should trust?

The simple answer is none of these, and all of these.

Chogyam Trungpa says: 

The bad news is you're falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. 
The good news is, there's no ground.

We are constantly searching for an identity to hold onto to prevent that feeling of falling (and failing). We are searching for a form that suits us and the image in our heads of who we can be. There is comfort and reassurance in knowing we have a ground to stand on and a position to stand by. 

But there is no ground. Those titles that we have and those roles that we play are not truly who we are or what we do, because we are not one-thing. 

And yet, in the process of discovering who we are, we generously meet people where they are at, helping them in some way. In Seth Godin's new book The Practice, he says:

Generosity is the most direct way to find the practice.

That's the good news. In the process (practice) of discovering who we are and our place in the world, we can get comfortable with the fact that there is no ground, and no fatal crash at the end that is going to be the end of us. When you no longer need to worry about hitting the ground, falling starts to look like flying, and you can direct your attention to starting to learn how to navigate that new space. 

Learning how to navigate life with openness, responsiveness and availability is itself a worthwhile practice, regardless of the results of your endeavor. As Seth says: 

Do you trust yourself enough to commit to engaging with a [practice] regardless of the chances of success?

No one is watching.

Our culture is largely centered on doing things for show. You record yourself working out, practicing your art, going through the motions. We are constantly broadcasting who we are to the world, marketing the best version of ourself to others. 

How do you practice when no one is watching? 

What are your actions when no one is there to hold you accountable?

How you show up in the world when no one is watching is most likely your most generous act, but it can also provide us with an opportunity to be our most selfish. It's up to you.