Self-loathing.

We all have negative self talk. We all beat up on ourselves more than we should. We are our greatest critic, and we don't mince words with ourselves.

This is a really deep seated aversion and guilt about who we are and who we should be. The root of the problem lies in our conception of who we are, but it is not enough to simply see that ego is the problem. If anything, seeing that ego is the problem can further inflame our self hatred, because we should know better and even do know better.

But what can we do about it?

Recognize for a moment that there is a part of you that knows what you did, what you said, or how you screwed up isn't you. That moment in time isn't you. It was just a sentence, or conversation, or an action.

Let's call that moment of confusion, ignorance or stupidity your smaller self. Then, the knowing aspect that recognizes the actions of the smaller self, but also recognizes that is not who you are, let's call that your wisdom self. 

Your smaller self screwed up. You acted inappropriately, or lost your cool, or said something stupid. It happens.

Your wisdom self sees how you embody many different facets and roles in this life. Your wisdom self sees the bigger picture, knows that you care, that you try to do the right thing and strive to meaningfully contribute. Most importantly, your wisdom self knows that your past affects who you are today, but it doesn't define who you are. You get to decide that. Let your wisdom self decide that.

When your stuck in your head, beating yourself up about what you said or did, take a moment to notice that smaller self and then step back and notice the wisdom self. Smile and even laugh at the actions of the smaller self. Don't take yourself to seriously. With love and kindness, look at that smaller self and reflect on how far you have come, and how much further you have yet to go.

Then, taking a moment to acknowledge the pain and frustration of the smaller self, thank them for the lesson. Finally, set your intention with wisdom, and get back to work.

Jerry-rigged.

When was the last time you found yourself struggling with a problem?

Did you search out the right tool for the fix? Develop a new tool?

Have you have tried to solve a problem with a tool that wasn't designed for the job?

There is a certain art to jerry-rigging.  A proficient craftsman can make use of a wrong tool and produce beautiful results.  With proficiency comes agility and innovation.

But what if you are not proficient?

An emerging craftsman attempting to jerry-rig a solution often ends up with a mess.  Or at best a solution that quickly unravels.

We often go through our days and weeks jerry-rigging solutions to problems when there are perfectly qualified tools for the job.  Tools we can acquire, learn, and master. 

As an emerging craftsman in your practice, when we are trying to jerry-rig a solution we should recognize our frustration as a sign that we need to search out and acquire better tools.  If we are frustrated, struggling and irritated, then we need to step back and reassess.

Reassess here means to ask for help, open a book, or search out the right tool for the job. 

What does jerry-rigging feel like when it is done correctly?

Curiosity, examination and joyous perseverance. 

Changing the story.

I am continually inspired by my brothers and sisters on the path who are dedicated to their practice and generous with their time and energy.

One of the people who has inspired me is Seth Godin who introduced me to a new definition of an artist.  An artist is someone who makes an impact, benefits someone and effects change.  In this sense we all have the opportunity to be artists, regardless of our profession.  We all have the opportunity to take a moment, lend a hand, to truly listen and share generously.

We all have an opportunity to care. 

The thing about being an artist is that you don't create art all the time.  Not everything you do in your day is about making an impact.  Most of your day will be spent doing your job, working on the tactics, getting things done.

The artist can be busy and still make great art.

For me, this relieved a great burden, something I actually struggled with for a long time.  I was carrying a lot of frustration and aversion to being busy and working hard because I wasn't able to devote myself fully to making an impact.  I felt that too much of my days, weeks and months were wasted because I could be doing something better.  I could be doing better work but my work itself was preventing me from actually doing that.  That resistance to the nuts and bolts, ground level experience of my job (and life) prevented me from seeing and seizing those moments when I could act, when I could be generous.    

The function of our work is to make an impact, but not all the time.  We struggle to find meaning in our work and in our life, but we need to create meaning.  If we could even spend 10% of our time seizing those opportunities to make an impact and to care, we would find great meaning in our life.  It would even allow us to be really good at the busy, mundane, daily responsibilities that we need to fulfill because they would further create opportunities to create art. 

I can tell you that even 10% is hard.  It is too easy to hide in the busy tactical aspect of your life, too easy to keep your head down and keep plugging away at what you are doing.  We hide in the busy and then complain when our work has no meaning.  We fight internally against the resistance, but the resistance often wins and prevents us from stepping away and actually caring.

That is the fight, the struggle.

If we can recognize and identify that resistance, then we can actually find ways to reduce it.  Once we know what it looks like and what it is trying to do, we can push through the resistance and strive to make an impact, strive to care.  Start to create art.  

Letting go.

Your practice should include the art of letting go.

Letting go of the fear.
The pain.
The anger. Frustration.
Letting go of your hope.
Expectations.
Judgement.
Ego.
Letting go of resentment.
Mistakes.
Bias.
Ideals.

Let everything go.  What is left when you have nothing left to hold onto?

Now, continue with the practice.