Helpless and Stuck.

As the mind develops, we move from a world of sensory perception to a world of causality.

An infants initial experience of the world is simply what it perceives in its immediate surroundings- its mother, father, sights, sounds, feelings, warmth, emotions, pain and hunger.  If the child does not experience something it does not exist.

This is wonderful because it is an immersion in experience.  It is simple, direct, empirical.

But an infant is helpless because it doesn't know what to do with the things it is experiencing.
Pain is pain.  Hunger is hunger.  Fatigue is fatigue.  Warmth is warmth.

An infant who is hungry doesn't worry about anything else.  At that moment, hunger is the child's world and it doesn't know how to fix that. 

A parent who cares knows how to soothe a baby and it teaches it how to soothe itself. 

Somewhere along its development, the infant starts to realize that things still exist even if they cannot directly experience them.  This is called object permanence and it marks the beginning of a rational, logical mind.  It is the beginning of a mind that can plan and act based on intention. 

This is a grand development, but not without its own problems. 

Neither of these two ways of perceiving the world are true seeing.  If your world is your experience and nothing else you are helpless, failing to understand the significance of cause and effect.  A world in which we operate within cause and effect but get wrapped up in its objects and we get stuck.

A parent who cares teaches their child how to get unstuck. 

Teach your child to get unstuck, how to solve a problem and how to avoid getting wrapped up in a mess.  With that skillset, their innate curiosity coupled with the ability to choose and act will carry them to places that you could never imagine. 

Which is pretty scary, as a parent.

That is why you need to teach them to get unstuck. 

Object permanence.

Object permanence is a big development for an infant. 

Prior to the development of object permanence when things leave their field of perception they cease to exist.  Hide a toy, who cares- still happy and content.  Mother leaves the room, no worry here. 

Around six months of age children start to understand that things do exist when they leave the room.  Mom is gone, and that is a problem.  Why did you take away my toy, I was happily enjoying chewing on that.

This is a key development because it allows the child to develop an understanding of causality and learn to problem solve.  Object permanence allows for a rational, logical interpretation of reality.

What no one talks about is that object permanence also brings with it a host of emotional baggage. 

Hope and fear, attachment and aversion, gain and loss are all dependent on our expectation that things we want will stick around and things we don't want will go away.  The problems is that things that we want don't stay for long, and situations that bother us tend to stick around longer than we like. 

Our rational mind has little power over these strong emotions.

Object permanence is a big development for an infant, but many adults still struggle with the implications that it brings to their life.

When was the last time you were really well prepared with your plan, had it all worked out in your head, and then it fell apart.  How did you react?  How fixated were you on that object?

What is it that you are really hoping for?  What happens if none of it works out?

Are you going to be able to talk your way through it?  Do you really know how to work with your emotions when the going gets tough?  Or is anger and disappointment going to spill over into your day and your relationships?

Object permanence. 

What's the alternative?